Thursday, December 22, 2011

Not Ready!

I'm not ready for Christmas. We have already had one Christmas celebration with my husband's side of the family, and I guess it felt too good to have that behind us. Because I have done very little to get ready for ACTUAL Christmas this weekend.

It always works out though. Somehow, it always comes together and it is always a nice, enjoyable family day.

And somehow, we always over do it ... and we always overspend too ....

'Tis the Season!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Vision Problems ...

I learned something new that I did not know even existed in the world. Honestly, I thank God everyday for my son's homeroom teacher at his small Lutheran School. If it weren't for her being ALL OVER his behind everyday, expecting nothing but THE best out of him, he would never have been diagnosed with ADD; and therefore, he would never have attended nine months of Occupational Therapy for his related fine motor problems ... and ... this takes the cake ... we would never have found out that he has a vision disability!

You see, we were plugging away through the school year and feeling like things were so much better with ds's new medicine for his ADD. His fine motor skills did improve through Occupational Therapy over the last nine months, although not greatly. I am glad he was able to make the improvements he did, but his handwriting is only slightly better. This is not a big deal in today's computerized world though.

However, at the school conferences in November, ds's homeroom teacher insisted that there was still a problem. Keep in mind that my son's grades were all very good. Every single grade was between 80 and 90 percent. But he has this pattern with going along well and then completely bombing miscellaneous assignments along the way here and there, always keeping him out of the 90's for his overall trimester grades.

So, we went back to the pediatrician and we sought some additional medicine. He continues to take 72 mg. of Concerta, but we have now added Intuniv to his Concerta each day. His attention at school has improved a little more, so that is good.

But then, as we were concluding Occupational Therapy earlier this month, ds's OT mentioned that he had accomplished all of his goals, but that he still had some problems with visual depth perception. What the heck is that??

Well, because the homeroom teacher insisted that there were still learning problems, we went to one of the three Developmental Optometrists in our City and found out what this problem was. (Only a Developmental Optometrist can diagnose vision problems that contribute to learning disabilities apparently. Who knew? I mean, I was taking him to the best eye doctor wasn't I? He had been going to an Opthalmologist for goodness sakes!)

But no. Opthalmologists don't diagnose eye motor issues. They test for visual accuity and provide care for eye diseases and perform eye surgeries. The Developmental Optometrist does all of the above (accept surgeries) and more.

So, we found out that my son, whose eyes look just fine and normal to the everyday observer, do not track well together. Because of this, he cannot distinguish images in 3-D and he is in the 18th percentile for his speed in tracking his eyes from left to right and from right to left. So, 82 percent of kids his age can move their eyes across type faster than he can .. and perceive the information they are viewing. Since this is a perceptual problem, my son can see the type, he just can't perceive it. I know. Strange, huh?

But, when it comes to tracking his eyes vertically (like reading up and down columns,) he is in the 1st percentile! No wonder he has problems with math. For the most part, math is done vertically!

The best news about all of this is that this problem can be corrected. There is something called Vision Therapy that he can attend weekly. Again, this is something I had no clue even existed. So, in January, we will begin ninth months of Vision Therapy. Hopefully, this has ds done and completely ready for high school in the Fall.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

My Amazing Son ... and School Vouchers

One of the greatest joys in my life is my relationship with my teenager. He is 14 years old and one of the biggest lights of my life. He and I have been through a lot together in life already. For eight years, he was my one and only child. He has definitely reaped the benefits (and the downsides) of being an only child for eight years of his life :)

He is an amazing big brother ... so patient and kind to his little sisters who rip through our house like tornados on a daily basis. He is a great role model to them and they adore him. He is also very insightful for his age and very interesting to talk to. He tends to be a quiet kid out in the world at large, but there is MUCH he does not miss. He has a definite gift for understanding and empathizing with people. And his sense of humor is just ... honestly ... delightful :)

My dear son has always been a student in the middle though. We had some tough years in his early grades because he just could not keep up with the school work load. With my dedication and his efforts though, he has never failed a subject in school. But, with each grade level, school became harder and harder ... and I became more and more tired, and less and less capable of re-teaching (homeschooling) him at the end of the lengthy school days.

One of the biggest blessings of our lives has been the private school he began attending last year for 7th grade. It is a religious school and, honestly, you can feel God's presence in that building every single minute of the day. Some days I feel grumbly or whatever, and I go into that building and I am ALWAYS just perfectly awed by the teachers, the students and the loving, Christian environment. I know this is a place that God led our family to and wanted my kids to spend some time in.

In the nearly 1.5 years my son has been in this school, he has been anything but LEFT BEHIND. I am a believer, based on my unique school experiences with my son, that it is the children in the middle who are the ones being left behind in our schools today.

The kids who behave poorly for whatever reason have the teachers' attention the entire day, while the kids in the middle plug away and do their best in the same classroom with these kids. And the higher performing kids get to be in special programs, unique environments ... gifted, honors groups, etc. These types of programs have behavior standards and the kids in them are not being left behind for sure either. They are getting a leg up. Just the amount of time that the teachers in these programs don't have to allot to the misbehaving bunch gives these kids an advantage.

So, I have to pay for my childrens' education. I pay twice. Once as a tax payer and once to actually get them educated. It sucks. Our State did recently begin a voucher program though and I am very thankful that any child in our State can now have true school choice. Public school is not for everyone. Children are being left behind there (here in Indiana) every day. The class sizes are getting bigger and bigger while the standards for education everywhere are getting higher and higher. What gets my goat is that parents who already needed to, or chose to put their kids in private school to get them educated, don't qualify for the voucher program. That is just wrong.

If my child was bullied out of public school, our family deserves a voucher no matter how much money we make (and we are not a high income family) .... but I will not allow myself to resort to bitterness. I want to go there, but I won't. I will focus on the kids in our State who will no longer have to be stuffed into an educational system that may not be the best fit for them. I pray that kids who have been bullied can come to our State's private schools and feel safe, find their strengths, gain confidence and learn about God along the way. But I think I am going to tell my story to our Governor in some way. Maybe a letter. The voucher law is a good one, but it is incomplete. This is an issue I am passionate about.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Tuesday Morning Thoughts ...

I have a secret. I love Tuesday mornings! Why? Because I only have to get two of my three kids off to school on Tuesday mornings. One less kid in the morning rush makes a huge difference in the morning!

So, here's how it goes: On Tuesdays, I just get the other two up and going and then all I have to do is carry my youngest, sleeping, out to the car. She is along, sleeping, for the morning drop off ride and then I carry her back into the house and she sleeps the ENTIRE rest of the morning until it is time to pick up my Kindergartner (before lunch). How cool is that?? She is happy. I am happy. So, this is my Tuesday morning "me" time. I am a lucky mom!

My other thoughts this morning are related to just marveling over a sense of peace I have had recently about a lot of things that used to get me riled up. Just two days ago, I hosted the family Thanksgiving at my house (for 33 people). I am not sure what inspired me to "volunteer" my house for the holiday this year. But honestly, the main reason I volunteered is that I prefer to be at my own house. At my house, I get to set the rules, the activities, the time we eat, where we will eat, what we will eat, the house temperature, who can come and how long the party goes on. And I can just wear my shorts all day! No need to pack things up in the car and haul the family somewhere else. No need to mess with coats, shoes, extra clothing, etc. Plus, I just like being in my own space. I actually get a trapped feeling sometimes at other family members' homes on the holidays. I just want to do my own thing! So, it was great!

The holiday was a "pitch-in," so other than the turkey, we did no cooking. But there was still much expense and preparation involved. When you add up the price of two turkeys, paper products, condiments and 2-liter drinks, it wasn't cheap. But the hardest work for this event was not related to food or cooking. It was the cleaning!!

I started about a week or so before the big day and I cleaned, decluttered, organized, rearranged things ... and I basically just got a whole lot done that wasn't getting done in my house before I took this on. I worked until the first person arrived (six minutes early by the way ... ugh!) And I didn't get everything done that I had wanted to get done. But I knew that it would turn out alright no matter how much I got done. Somehow, things ALWAYS have a way of pulling together nicely just when the event is ready to begin. And this was the thought that kept me at peace through the entire event. It always works out. And it did this time too. Just getting my house in this kind of shape was worth welcoming 33 people in for dinner. I have no regrets!

And the other best part of this holiday hosting for our family --- WE ARE DONE! No more Thanksgiving cooking or preparation going on here anymore. The four days off for Thanksgiving are now wide open and we get to do whatever we want to! We are going to a movie on Thanksgiving and we might even eat out at a chinese buffet. Life is good and I am REALLY looking forward to the upcoming time off with just my own immediate family :-) So, whew ... we survived another holiday ... and the best part is still ahead for us! Happy Thankgiving :-)

Friday, November 4, 2011

Returning to the career world ...

I am not returning to the career world just yet; but it has dawned on me how I could do so if I really wanted or needed to. If we had put our youngest child in preschool where my older two kids go, I would be able to return to work as soon as I found a job. Because they have a terrific before-and-after-care program there.

But, I don't want to return just yet anyway. Well, part of me does. But I have come this far with my younger two kids as a full-time, at-home mom. I want to sacrifice and continue to be home for the kids until all three of them are launched full time in school. And I want to take that as slow as possible because I really don't believe in full-day Kindergarten. If that is our only choice next year though, I will go back to work next year. I mean, you have to do what you have to do. And I am not cut out to homeschool.

Anyway, I have been thinking about what I really need in a job for it to be satifsying. Ideally, there would be variety, flexibility, problem-solving, challenges, intellectual stimulation, no bureaucracy, little paperwork, lots of autonomy, room for growth, interesting co-workers, on-the-job learning, respectable pay and the opportunity to work with people in a meaningful way.

That is a start. Now ... to figure out what kind of job would be an ideal fit ...

Thursday, November 3, 2011

"When one door closes ..."

"When one door closes, another opens" is the topic on my mind this morning.

Recently, there has been some change in my day-to-day life. Although I never thought I would feel this way about such a change, it has been a positive change overall, I think.

For years I have been involved on a message board with other moms who daily discussed our children and our lives. I loved the sharing, the learning from each other, and the friendships we formed through the years. I really felt like I had close and supportive friends in that group, even if we had never met in real life. These gals were my friends. In my heart, they were true friends. I was THEIR friend in my heart and in my support on the message board. But were they my friends?

That is the question that came up for me when things recently turned very ugly on our little message board for another board member. Now, I am questioning if any of these people really cared about me, or for others on the board who they truly seemed to support over the years. (Which makes me realize the dangers of posting personal things online to strangers ... for years ...)

In any case, I realize now that this group of people were not really my friends. We were just moms who shared interests over the years I guess. True friends have disagreements and maybe even nasty words (hopefully on rare occasions), but they care about each other enough to move beyond the dissent. Long-term friends typically know who each other are from building a relationship over time, even online. And true friendships take effort and sometimes sacrifice on both sides of the relationship. One person just cannot always be the one who is right. It isn't possible. Taking responsibility for hurting other people with harsh words and judgments ... and apologies and forgiveness ... just need to be part of the package of true friendship.

When it isn't, you really begin to wonder what you had all of those years. How stupid you may have been ... although, I am not stupid. But I am smarter now I think. I now think that some of these people were just on the board to hear others' personal life issues so that somehow they could feel better about their own lives. A bit sick I think. It isn't a thought I like having, but I think it is true and have come to deal with it. But it now makes it very hard for me to post anything on any message board, or on Facebook. I hope I get over that.

In any case, there is a silver lining. When one door closes, another opens, right? What I am finding is that I actually feel much better than when I was a part of that particular board. Although I didn't think I cared what these people thought of me or my decisions on the board, a lot of things that were said did cause me to feel hurt or to feel bad about myself regardless ... simply because they were mean and thoughtless. And so much was said within the silences as well. The silences were not quiet.

So, the door that has opened is sort of a freeing feeling. I think that feeling comes from standing up for myself. I am proud of the decisions I have made for my kids about school. I am proud of the fact that I am not materialistic, nor are my kids and husband. I am proud of the fact that I can see the beauty and positive qualities in pretty much everyone. I am proud of the fact that I can see things from all angles. I am proud of the fact that people matter more to me than being right or being accepted. I am proud that my kids are good people, inside and out. And I am going to blog more because it feels good to just be me.

And, most importantly, I forgive my fellow board friends. We are all just people. Just human beings trying to make our way in this world and as mothers.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Ahhh November 1

Yay, it is November 1! I love, love, love November 1!

Why?

Because October for our family is one crazy roller coaster ride from start to finish.

Here are this year's October highlights --

Seven family birthdays.
Five family birthday gatherings.
One joint kids' birthday party, with 23 kids in attendance
Two school field trips
One School Fall party
Two School birthday snacks to send in
Two Trunk-or-Treats
One haunted house visit
And Halloween trick-or-treating

Whew! It is like Christmas!

So, November 1 is my day to reflect on the October fun while taking a bit of a breather before the holiday rush begins once again just before Thanksgiving (and goes non-stop until January 1.)

Because as much as I enjoy celebrating the holidays with my family, they are A LOT of work! (Honestly, I think the hardest part is the house cleaning for the various events; because, my husband is a big help when it comes to some of the family parties (he will cook) and trick-or-treating (he will pull the girls in the wagon on Halloween night tirelessly).

Anyway, goodbye dear October. You have been fun :) Hello November 1!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

What was I thinking???

Today is the girls' first joint birthday party with friends at our local indoor inflatable playground.

24 kids total, including mine.

Picking up an extra child from school for lunch beforehand, to help her parents with transportation.

Need to drive 30 minutes across town to get the cake I had to have ...

Then back to school to pick up my Kindergartener and the extra girl.

Then back home to serve lunch.

Then the 15 minute drive back to the party place.

I am exhausted just thinking about it!

But ..... I better get on the move ....

I can't wait until 4 p.m. today when this is over and I can look back and recall how much fun it was :()

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Learning Through Our Lives ...


I can't help it. I believe in kindness. I hate to see people get hurt when kindness could have made all the difference in a situation. I would like to think we would all desire to own our part in something ugly that happened and hurt others ... and make peace. And live in a big happy circle of love. Or move on kindly.


But that just isn't always the case in life. Some people just don't care to be kind and won't be.


And, I am sorry; but, I can't stand beside them.


"A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."
Dave Barry, "Things That It Took Me 50 Years to learn"


"Life is short, but there is always time for courtesy."
Ralph Waldo Emerson, Social Aims

Monday, September 5, 2011

Fall Is Here and Growing Up

Fall blew in today with some drastically cooler weather. Cool weather is predicted for the next fifteen days. Warm, sunny pool days are winding down here, if not over for the season already. And my five-year-old begins full-days of Kindergarten this week. Even though her full days will be every other day, they will be three full days each week. Here is her Kindergarten schedule:

Monday, Wed., Friday -- 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.
Tuesday and Thurs. -- 8:30 a.m. to 11:45 a.m.

It was the best schedule this determined mom could get here in Indiana for a Kindergarten schedule. Half-day Kindergarten is dying here as an option for just about everyone. Even the schools that still offer if are pressuring the parents to pay for full-day Kindergarten. It is very sad to me. One mom of a half-day Kindergarten girl told me that her Kindergartener is in a mixed class with full-day Kindergarten kids and the teachers tell the whole class about the afternoon activities that are scheduled. Classy, huh?

I am just not convinced that our kids need to hit the ground running full-time as five-year-olds. Can't we give our little kids just one more year to be kids? This is the first year that Kindergarten joins the rigor of the Indiana State Academic standards. My daughter will be one of the first kids tested every single year (including this one) on the new standards. If she isn't reading up to standards by third grade, she will be held back, as will any kid not making that cut. Pressure. Pressure. And they are only five. It is simply wrong in my opinion. Kids need to be kids.

Kindergarten IS still optional here in Indiana, but given the above, is it really optional? Not really. Oh well. I am happy with our choices and glad we do have a choice still. I pray that Kindergarten will maintain this schedule next year as well because my youngest daughter will be entering Kindergarten next year. I want to stand up for my kids' childhoods and still do right by them when it comes time to be tested into oblivion.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Advice and Criticism

This post comes from thoughts about a battle I recently had with an extended family member ...

I have been thinking lately about advice and criticism. For the most part, I want feedback from people. It is great to get different ideas and then make one's own decision. But, on some occasions, advice and criticism hits me less positively. So, I began to wonder ...

When we react most strongly to certain advice, is that a message in itself? Does it mean maybe the advice rings true? I had to think about that.

I have decided that strong feelings about advice or criticism can mean a number of things. It might mean we don't like something pointed out to us because it is unpleasant. It could mean we are hearing something powerful that we need to take action on. It could mean that the person giving this advice or criticism is being rude in the way they are giving it.

It could also mean that the person is just being a pain in the rear because they feel insistant that their advice is what it right for us when it isn't. Or, it could mean that we have certain needs that the advice is butting up against ... such as the need to be right, the need to be regarded well, etc.

I don't think strong reactions necessarily mean that the advice or criticism being dished out is true. But, I always do think that a strong reaction is worth exploring from a personal standpoint myself.

I think the most important thing about offering advice or constructive criticism is to remain respectful of the person you are bestowing this advice on. They are really the expert in their own lives.

So, what do you think about advice or criticism? Do you like to get the opinions of others? Do you find unsolicited advice offensive, or do you see it as an opportunity?