OCD or something ....

I have to wonder if I have extreme OCD or something ....

I know I mentioned that in the past, I did Co-op preschool with my son, who is nearly 12 now. It was a big part of our lives back in those early days of his life. I was even the president of the Co-op for the last year he attended. I feel certain that I must have been a different person back then. My needs are so different now. My level of parenting experience is also certainly different. And I know better now than to sign up for a Co-op!

But my heart is hurting that I am not doing this with dd#1. I cannot get it out of my mind and I wish I knew why I was not able to let this go. Is this some sort of message? A God Wink? Or am I just obsessed about this one issue because of some unknown strange quirk in my persona?! Am I a loon in need of a trip to the crazy bin?!

Co-op preschool is A LOT of work for the parents, even if only one child is in the school. Co-op preschool would offer me ZERO break to speak of seeing as both of my little ones cannot be in the same class for reasons I don't agree with personally. And WHY would I want two children in the Co-op at the same time is especially insane anyway.... because I DON'T!

But I keep thinking about it and even strategizing the idea of it. There are no openings there for my youngest child right now anyway. There IS a place she could go when dd#1 is in the Co-op and while I work there twice per month though. The girls don't mind being separated ... but my heart also wants them together .... it is a war within the heart ....

I don't want to do all that work the Co-op requires ... the garage sale, playground safety day, whatever job I get assigned (always a lot of work), yard work, information fairs ....

And dd#1 does not even need any of this because she plays really well right here at home with her sister and with others who occasionally come over. So, I do not understand what my issue is here .... but it is annoying me almost to the point of just wanting to put dd#1 into the school to just get it out of my system!

I am not going to do this. I am not going to do this. I am not going to do this. Yes, I am a nutcase!