What a day can bring ....

It has been a day ... just wow!

Today was one of those days that I felt led/guided through the things that transpired.

I did not want to go to the "Preschool Closing" this morning. (This is where Co-op Moms help the teachers close up the school for the Summer. We haul toys and preschool furniture into two sheds and pack up things in the classroom, take things down from walls, etc.) There were many logical reasons why this was not the best thing for my calendar this morning. But, I was really drawn to this idea that I must go. I am so glad I went.

I am glad I went because I learned about a charter school option that was being talked about by two other moms there today. So this information came to me from a conversation I didn't even start nor want to really have. Dh and I had already decided where ds would be going to Jr. High School next year. I admit that I have had some thoughts about this that were hot thoughts based on things I kept hearing about the Jr. High and High School in our township, but I never knew we would be considering another viable option for ds today.

But I went home and surprised myself by googling that school mentioned this morning. I then made some phone calls. And then I researched the data of various nearby schools along with that one and a few others (just for comparison).

And I used mapquest to map out two school choices that could work pretty well with dh's work location. And bingo! I uncovered some very real choices for my ds next year!

On Saturday we will be going as a family to tour this one particular charter school that we feel stands out as a very real option for ds. I am so hopeful that this is an option we can get excited about; an option that will truly be right for my son.

Dh could take him to school most days. I could take him when dh couldn't. I would most likely need to do the picking up each school day. But if it was the right fit for ds, I would have no issue doing that.

Being a charter school, this school would be in our budget. And maybe being a charter school, it would not be as over-the-top for my son as some of the parish schools were for him academically .. perhaps this would be a place where he could be challenged and shine as well.

I know I want what every parent wants for their child. I know my child is not the most complex child in the world. But he has been a challenge to find the best fit for him educationally. He isn't paying attention to math now in his ruckus of a classroom. I feel doubtful that he will pay attention any harder when he becomes aware there is gang activity out in the hallways at our local public Jr. High. Ds needs something smaller and not over the top.

I know I have stars in my eyes, but I want this to be the place!

If it isn't, ds will go to the local public Jr. High as planned. Or maybe something else will present itself.

But, even if we had the money right now, I do not see a private school that fits ds's needs either.

Parenting is hard.

I would miss that bus that comes each day to make my life much easier. Yet, I hear horror stories about the Jr. High bus. Was I really going to let ds ride that bus every day anyway after sixth grade? I was hoping to do so, yes. But things get very ugly on the Jr. High bus. I have asked way too many people about this stuff with the public Jr. high ...

Nicholas' teacher says differently but various very good kids tell me the real stories that go on in these schools. I had just told dh last night that we should be prepared for a difficult journey ahead.

Is this an answer for us?

I don't know.

I only feel compelled to check it out some more and I feel excited about what I might find for my son.

And this also explains some stuck thoughts I have been having about the school situation for my girls (both for next year and in the future).

I realize it is only preschool ... but these are my favorite school years. The Co-op is a fun place and I enjoy sharing it with my little one(s). Am I willing to give up 10 free mornings per month in order to be able to never look back with regret that I missed Racers class with my youngest child? I think I am.

There will be so many days that I can go here and there and everywhere and be free someday ... but right now, I get to decide so much and I just might truly want to haul my butt to that preschool five days per week so that I will never regret not doing so when I can never again turn back that clock to these precious years with all three of my children.

Unraveling my thoughts ...

The last 11 days have been tough. For about 8 of these days, one girl or another was sick with a nasty, fever-type cold. I can count on one hand the number of times I left my house in the last 11 days ... and there is still room to count on just the one hand!

Illness brings extra whining, extra clinging, extra nose wipes, medicine battles "But I don't LIKE the medicine!!!" And then, after so many days, there was extra sibling rivalry too. All the extra bickering and kicking and fighting and grabbing things from each other was truly conspiring to torture this at-home mom who really is probably better suited to a more sane job outside the home where I could get a decent, quiet lunch hour; some true respect; and a paycheck to top it off!

My husband's work hours are insane. It is so funny to me when people think that dh's coming home at night could offer me any kind of break. All I can say to that is: ROFLMAO!!!

Now, I am not complaining. Really. I know I am blessed. I have choices. I am blessed to have choices. But, I feel the need to unravel some of my thoughts that flew crazy through my mind over the last days.

Here are some of my latest ephiphanies:

#1 -- Dh's job is going to get better (as to the amount of time that he spends there.) New management there sounds like they are better dividing the work. New management there seem to be sane, decent people. It is just that dh worked for a bozo for a year who stalled all work in the department. Sooooo, there is some catch up. A lot of catch up. They will get through it and it is going to be good.

#2 -- Even when my brain is fried and I sit here some days with my eyes crossed while chanting coping phrases inside my head just to keep me centered, I KNOW that I am THE best person to watch my kids all day, every day. There is simply nobody better for this job and I want the best for my kids. Sooooo, I am not really that bad of a mom ... even though there are days when I wonder if there is space at the mental ward for a mother who sometimes feel like she is heading over the edge. I choose ME for my kids each day. That is big. I am good to my kids even when they walk with spikes all over my nerves most days :)

#3 -- Housework just bores the crap out of me ... and that is o.k. It isn't that bad in here really. There are more important things in life than a perfectly-ordered, clean house. I am not giving up on housework or anything. I do feel that it is my job as the stay-at-home parent to keep the house in working order. And I take my role here seriously; I do. But, it is just not ever going to be exciting to me ... or pleasant for me .... or even routine for me to get this stuff done. I have tried and tried to find various ways to love housework .... and it is just NEVER going to be my thing.

#4 -- I am not one of those people who has the "need" to care take. There are people like that in the world and I think they are amazing and awesome. Maybe I am just full of care taking duties in my life right now. But, I am perfectly happy to keep strong boundaries in place when it comes to any additional caretaking demands. NO animals here. NO extra kids here thanks.

The answer is NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

If someone with kids wants to sit here awhile and pull up a chair and chat while all of our kids play ... groovy cool. I welcome that and I want us to be friends. But, NO ... you cannot just drop your young kids off here. What are ya? Nuts?!!!

Family

Family is such a wonderful thing in so many ways. You have a special bond and you can support each other; be there for each other; cousins can grow up together; and other good things.

But, family also brings their baggage to family events and can also be a negative, unpleasant thing when some family members simply refuse to focus on loving and supporting each other.

Actually, my side of the family is pretty cool. (Yes, I am biased!) I have worked hard to cultivate a relationship with dh's family though. Frankly, they are difficult people to like. They are full of opinions, and judgements, and they believe they "know" everything. Never mind what your doctor says for instance. If SIL thinks your kids need a tonsillectomy, then they must! Never mind that SIL tried again and again and never made it into medical school.

Anyway, I just felt like expressing some tiring feelings I am having about certain family members right now. Ultimately, I am glad to have them, imperfections and all. But, some days ... sighhhhhhhh ....

Goals Update

It's time to review and/or tweak by New Year's goals. Here is how it has been going --

1.) Master my Laundry -- as the Flylady recently said, "A load per day keeps CHAOS away." She is right. I will do ONE load per day and I will not strive for more than that unless I am just in the mood.

This is a good goal to strive for; however, I find that I abandon it more often than not. I tend to do housework in various bursts of energy that are less routine. I am realizing this is just who I am. However, having this goal keeps me from completely abandoning my laundry altogether, so it's a good one :)


2.) Add daily laundry and trash pickups covering the entire house to my daily routine.

Again, it's the "daily" thing here that I don't do. But when the need to get the house in order becomes pressing to me, this is where I begin. And, if I only want to make huge progress in a short time, this is what I do.


3.) Declutter regularly using Flylady Hot Spot emails as a reminder.

Decluttering is energizing. I have done very well with it this year. At this time, I have decluttered all I want to and I feel that I am as decluttered as I want to be right now ... aside from the girls Summer clothing that doesn't fit ... which is not a big job. Shorts take up such a small amount of space but I have only just recently pulled them out of storage :)


4.) Add a Swish and Swipe routine for the bathrooms.

The routine is: Swish and Swipe AS NEEDED :)


5.) Buy meat on sale but that is already packaged for the freezer. Basically, this means I will spend just a bit more on meat by not buying it in bulk and then packaging it for freezing myself, but I will save a lot on my sanity. By doing this, I feel that I will be able to devote more of myself to actual food preparation (ideally creating better meals that my family will enjoy much more.)

I have been doing this, which has been nice for my time and sanity. I cannot say it has helped my cooking; although, my family does eat homecooked meals most nights ... so I guess I do o.k.


6.) Add some exercise to my daily routine -- 15 minute increments.

I have really taken off with this goal and I have lost ten pounds since January as a result. When I made this goal in January, I did not know I would be so into this. Exercise has been great for me and I want to continue it regularly.


7.) Eat breakfast more often.

I have definitely eaten breakfast more often this year and this always helps me eat better the entire day. However, this is something I have to remind myself to do because I am not satisfied with just any breakfast and I will try to skip breakfast if I don't feel like making something that I know will truly satisfy me. I would, ideally, like to eat at least one egg most days. But, I don't always want to make an egg ... lazy me!


8.) Keep Ellie home from preschool if I don't like the weather.

I have done this and have found it to be very freeing and satisfying. I have two girls close in age and I don't feel like going somewhere every morning of the week. So, sometimes, we don't :)

9.) Explore options for activities for the girls that benefit all THREE of us!

We enrolled the girls in two sessions of a dance class, which they really enjoy and I do too. For me, I especially like how the class is short, developmentally appropriate and very close to our home. And most importantly, this is something they want to do (and not something I dragged them into.)

10.) Save enough money to cash flow a new roof this year.

A plan is in place; however, not one penny has been saved yet.


11.) Continue with our budget and minimizing expenses.

This is ongoing but something I never want to lose sight of.


12.) Recreate my bedroom to a room I like a lot more.

I bought a new pillow, cleared out some clutter and am working on getting some sheets that fit the bed better (waiting for a sale at a particular store because I won't pay full price for sheets!) I would like to do more, but this is what is in the budget right now.


13.) Have people over to visit approximately every other month (during the last two weeks of the month.)

I did this two days ago for the first time and had a great time :)


14.) Embrace that I like to change things around in my life frequently and do it as much as I want to! This is my gift to myself as I turn 40 this year!

Reading the Happiness book has brought me great peace as far as this goal is concerned. The author of that book is very inspiring to me when it comes to validating the idea that we can be who we are and that is O.K. At my current age, I had already figured that out and have embraced it personally for many years; however, it is very nice to have a book out there in the world affirming that it IS, indeed, O.K. to just be me.

Life Lessons from a Tonsillectomy ....

I learned a few things from having my tonsillectomy that I don't want to forget. The experience itself was life changing for me. Perhaps it was mostly due to having this particular operation tied into my personal goal for resolving some long-time breathing issues of mine in honor of my fifth decade of life.

For one thing, I can breathe now even though my throat is still very swollen from the surgery! Yes, my husband said he didn't know I was in the bed the other night! (I recovered from my tonsillectomy in my living room, mostly sleeping upright in various reclining chairs.)

The reason he didn't know that I was in bed was that I went to bed after him and I apparently didn't snore all night! I was able to lay down and sleep for the first time in many months while also being able to BREATHE! And nobody has ever told me in my entire life that I slept for ANY amount of time without snoring. This seems like a very good sign. Maybe I will actually, FINALLY, be a princess when I sleep :)

In my opinion, any improvment is welcome as to my snoring; but, I am personally most interested in BREATHING well, sleeping sounder and having less nightly jabs in my gut for the rest of my life. I hope it works out like that.

But regardless, it was a positive life experience and there are some lessons learned that I don't want to forget. So here they are --

Note: It is interesting to me how I developed some new habits over a 10-14 day recovery period. Those habits developed fairly easily because they were repeated often, over the course of several days, and were due to the need to cope with both pain and getting to the point of recovery (so I found myself having to do them to get through the days).

From the recovery experience, here are some things I want to apply ongoing ....


Tonsillectomy Habit #1 -- Have a cold, non-milk beverage beside me at ALL TIMES and drink often whether I am thirsty or not.


How I want to continue to apply this lesson in my life from now on -- I was a milk addict. Milk was too thick and pasty to drink during my tonsillectomy (yes, even skim). I had to turn to more water-based drinks during my tonsillectomy recovery and I found that Juicy Juice became my new desired drink over the course of my recovery period. But, Juicy Juice has too many calories post tonsillectomy. So now, I am choosing water either by itself or with some Crystal Light or Propel in it (to give it that fruity flavor) ... and I am going to keep it by my side all day long .... and drink it for great hydration ... whether I am thirsty or not.


Hoped for result --
Milk and Juicy Juice are way more caloric than water and/or Crystal Light or Propel. I hope to lose more weight than the 2.5 pounds I took off by doing this last week.




Tonsillectomy Lesson #2 -- Jello is a yummy and hydrating snack and is easy to make, especially when I use my rubbermaid containers with lids (which are easier to find a spot for in the refrigerator and very easy to store jello in). Therefore, it is not necessary to worry about using a big, cumbersome 9" X 13" pan to make jello and the water for the jello can be boiled most easily in the microwave rather than the stove.


How I want to apply this lesson in my life from now on -- I want to eat more jello and serve jello to my kids more readily when they get sick. Jello is a wonderful recovery food and it is just fun to eat too.


Hoped for result -- Life with more jello in it and kids who feel extra pampered and cared for when they get sick. And kids who get well faster due to the hydration jello provides too!




Tonsillectomy Lesson #3 -- When family members took my kids out of the house every afternoon for one week during my recovery period (I really miss that by the way), my house did not get near the wear and tear it usually does in the week. This meant less housework ... and who really enjoys housework????? Definitely NOT me!


How I want to apply this lesson in my life from now on -- Consider less housework as a motivating factor and benefit to getting my kids out of the house WITH and WITHOUT me during the course of a week (although I think the WITHOUT me opportunities will be more sparse than the WITH me opportunities in any given week .... oh well!)


Hoped for result -- Less housework at times (???)




Tonsillectomy Lesson #4 -- During my recovery period, I lost my normal sense of taste for a few days and when it came back, it was like my sense of taste was heightened. I also developed a greater appreciation for foods overall as I sought to get through the days while balancing intense throat pain with the need and desire to eat; nourish the body for strength and recovery; and curb hunger. I developed a greater awareness and appreciation for the variety of shapes and textures in foods as well (as they relate to the taste of what used to just seem like normal foods). The shapes and textures of the various foods we have available to eat on this planet are truly a blessing!


How I want to apply this lesson in my life from now on -- I want to eat consciously for LIFE and appreciate every bite; refrain from overeating (which causes a true lack of appreciation for food as well as weight gain.); and enjoy eating any food I desire (while emphazing the importance of PROTEIN and FIBER in every meal).


Hoped for result -- Weight loss .... ALONG with joy in eating from ALL food groups available on this great earth. (Including the chocolate and pastry group. I mean, what is life without chocolate??? Maybe not as sweet.)


Thank you God for great food and for all of the blessings we have on this earth!!!

Friday Five

Here are five great things this Friday :)

1.) I am thankful that my husband's medical tests have come back normal. They were testing for an aneurysm and that was scary. He does still have the headaches but at least we can rule out brain surgery ... goodness!

2.) I am blessed to have three beautiful children, inside and out. I love their sweet, kind ways. Did I teach them to be nice people, or were they born that way?

3.) I am grateful for the speedy recovery I have made from my tonsillectomy. I am so glad that I had this surgery and I feel proud of getting through it so bravely :)

4.) I am thankful for nearby family and good friends who keep me sane (somewhat sane?)

5.) I am sooooo thankful it is FRIDAY!!!! Can I just say S-L-E-E-P is on my weekend schedule big time!

Out of Sorts

I am feeling out of sorts today. Maybe I have overdone it. I just felt great on Tuesday and began to take over full force with my life. But yesterday .... I just sort of dropped everything and was soooo tired. My dishes never did get done yesterday at all, dinner came together in pieces (or did we have dinner?) and my house is such a wreck right now that I had a bad dream about it.

Today, I skipped the preschool routine. If we are going to skip "just because," we always skip on Thursdays. That is because Ellie's class meets again tomorrow. It is always my personal challenge to muster the energy to pack my two in the car, only to be able to drop off one. And so, I indulged my tiredness today and we skipped. We do this maybe twice per month on a Thursday and I don't tell Ellie we're doing it.

And so, today I must first get those dishes done and maybe do a quick living room pick up. I need a shower and a good lunch. The girls and I have been spending a lot of time outdoors the last two days and that fresh air does wear a person out (as a friend of mine says "in a good way.")

I still plan to walk outside with the girls later today (once I get my energy back in check). I like our new walking routine. It sure beats spending time on the treadmill any day! I really wish I had a girlfriend to walk and chat with though. An adult. I keep my eyes out in the neighborhood but haven't found anyone yet. I guess my little ones will have to be my girlfriends for the time being :)

On another note, I am feeling worried about my dh. He has had a continuous headache for three weeks, non-stop. Of course the man only tells me this after two weeks of having it. The dr. gave him a fancy test on Wednesday and I just feel very worried. I look forward to good news and having this behind him/us soon. Health issues always make me a nervous wreck. But, also, I don't want him to be in pain :(