Unraveling my thoughts ...

The last 11 days have been tough. For about 8 of these days, one girl or another was sick with a nasty, fever-type cold. I can count on one hand the number of times I left my house in the last 11 days ... and there is still room to count on just the one hand!

Illness brings extra whining, extra clinging, extra nose wipes, medicine battles "But I don't LIKE the medicine!!!" And then, after so many days, there was extra sibling rivalry too. All the extra bickering and kicking and fighting and grabbing things from each other was truly conspiring to torture this at-home mom who really is probably better suited to a more sane job outside the home where I could get a decent, quiet lunch hour; some true respect; and a paycheck to top it off!

My husband's work hours are insane. It is so funny to me when people think that dh's coming home at night could offer me any kind of break. All I can say to that is: ROFLMAO!!!

Now, I am not complaining. Really. I know I am blessed. I have choices. I am blessed to have choices. But, I feel the need to unravel some of my thoughts that flew crazy through my mind over the last days.

Here are some of my latest ephiphanies:

#1 -- Dh's job is going to get better (as to the amount of time that he spends there.) New management there sounds like they are better dividing the work. New management there seem to be sane, decent people. It is just that dh worked for a bozo for a year who stalled all work in the department. Sooooo, there is some catch up. A lot of catch up. They will get through it and it is going to be good.

#2 -- Even when my brain is fried and I sit here some days with my eyes crossed while chanting coping phrases inside my head just to keep me centered, I KNOW that I am THE best person to watch my kids all day, every day. There is simply nobody better for this job and I want the best for my kids. Sooooo, I am not really that bad of a mom ... even though there are days when I wonder if there is space at the mental ward for a mother who sometimes feel like she is heading over the edge. I choose ME for my kids each day. That is big. I am good to my kids even when they walk with spikes all over my nerves most days :)

#3 -- Housework just bores the crap out of me ... and that is o.k. It isn't that bad in here really. There are more important things in life than a perfectly-ordered, clean house. I am not giving up on housework or anything. I do feel that it is my job as the stay-at-home parent to keep the house in working order. And I take my role here seriously; I do. But, it is just not ever going to be exciting to me ... or pleasant for me .... or even routine for me to get this stuff done. I have tried and tried to find various ways to love housework .... and it is just NEVER going to be my thing.

#4 -- I am not one of those people who has the "need" to care take. There are people like that in the world and I think they are amazing and awesome. Maybe I am just full of care taking duties in my life right now. But, I am perfectly happy to keep strong boundaries in place when it comes to any additional caretaking demands. NO animals here. NO extra kids here thanks.

The answer is NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

If someone with kids wants to sit here awhile and pull up a chair and chat while all of our kids play ... groovy cool. I welcome that and I want us to be friends. But, NO ... you cannot just drop your young kids off here. What are ya? Nuts?!!!