It is that time of year. The time of year it becomes impossible to avoid extended family members. This sounds terrible, right? I know. I am sorry. Truly. I wish it was different. My inlaws annoy me terribly. I want to feel differently about this. I don't. I can't. Grrrr..... I just have to get through it ....
One thing about my inlaws is that some things that are perfectly normal to them are rude in my opinion. They do not have a good handle on normal social customs. For example, they are hosting a niece's birthday party on my husband's birthday. Really? Why? Why that day of all days? It is a family gathering type of party, so why host a party for someone else on another person's actual birthday??? Really? Necessary???? No!
My husband doesn't mind. So, I guess it doesn't do me any good to be the one upset about it. So, I have to get over it. Again, very annoying. And so the birthday/holiday season kicks off .... Lord help me to be a good person and to do the right things.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
The Only Thing Certain ...
The only thing certain is change and the winds of change are blowing strongly here this May. I have finally, fully, accepted that I cannot be a Lutheran, or a craftsperson, or a decorator, or a mom who hosts church teas. I wish I could be all of these things, but we each have to find our own place in the world. God designed each of us for a unique purpose and we are meant to move toward our calling. Lutheran craftspeople who decorate and host church teas are noble people who have taught me so much. And now it is time to move on ...
Today is my youngest child's last day of Pre-K. I am so sentimental. My Pre-K sweetie will miss her school, teachers and classmates so much. Her experience in this particular preschool was so perfect for her and she loves school so much. It is hard for me to think of her growing up and heading off to full-day Kindergarten, but I know she will be in a wonderful Kindergarten next year. I feel God has led us to our decisions about next year and I know we have made the right decisions for our children.
My sweet current Kindergartener is amazing to watch. She is the most independent of all three of my kids and has mastered a lot of academic stuff all on her own (with the help of her K teacher of course) this year. This fiesty, fiercely independent child of mine can do a lot that I don't know since she refuses to practice or go over learned concepts at home. But whenever I pin her down, it turns out that she has already mastered such concepts; and, rightfully she already knew that about herself :)
And then there is my 8th grader. He has had an interesting ride through the years. I am proud of his progress and feel that he is in a great place in his life to be starting high school. He is ready and I am not really too sentimental about this. It is time for him to create his future and nobody else can do that for him. I am prepared to push his rear up a hill though academically. I pray I won't need to. He can be a tough little cookie ...
So there are 2 1/2 weeks until my older two are out of school for the Summer. I admit that I can hardly wait. It feels like months still to go. Really. I am so over the driving, the church expectations for our family and the early mornings. When it is time to move on, you just finally know. And that feels good :)
Today is my youngest child's last day of Pre-K. I am so sentimental. My Pre-K sweetie will miss her school, teachers and classmates so much. Her experience in this particular preschool was so perfect for her and she loves school so much. It is hard for me to think of her growing up and heading off to full-day Kindergarten, but I know she will be in a wonderful Kindergarten next year. I feel God has led us to our decisions about next year and I know we have made the right decisions for our children.
My sweet current Kindergartener is amazing to watch. She is the most independent of all three of my kids and has mastered a lot of academic stuff all on her own (with the help of her K teacher of course) this year. This fiesty, fiercely independent child of mine can do a lot that I don't know since she refuses to practice or go over learned concepts at home. But whenever I pin her down, it turns out that she has already mastered such concepts; and, rightfully she already knew that about herself :)
And then there is my 8th grader. He has had an interesting ride through the years. I am proud of his progress and feel that he is in a great place in his life to be starting high school. He is ready and I am not really too sentimental about this. It is time for him to create his future and nobody else can do that for him. I am prepared to push his rear up a hill though academically. I pray I won't need to. He can be a tough little cookie ...
So there are 2 1/2 weeks until my older two are out of school for the Summer. I admit that I can hardly wait. It feels like months still to go. Really. I am so over the driving, the church expectations for our family and the early mornings. When it is time to move on, you just finally know. And that feels good :)
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
A hard thing to admit ...
My two older kids go to a private Christian School. I made no pretense with the school principal prior to my oldest son enrolling there two years ago -- we would need to become members of the church to afford the tuition there. Also, I had told her we were looking for a new church. All true.
Our experiences in the last two years at this church and school have been life changing. Lots of experiences are life changing, but these two years go into the records for our family. Most of the changes have been related to the positive impact this environment has had on our oldest child.
But, we have all grown spiritually as a result of our committment to this church/school over the last two years. The people at this church/school are some of the nicest I have met anywhere. The environment is small, yet large enough to offer a variety of activities and people to interact with.
And once again, like always, I feel the need to bolt from this type of environment ... which makes me sad. It isn't something I can really control. A huge part of this is budget related, although the school has indicated that financial help is a very real possibility. But, mainly, I can't be who I am not. I am not an organized religion person, by nature nor in my heart. My relationship with God has always been personal. It doesn't fit into a Catholic box or a Lutheran box, sadly ....
I want to fit in these boxes! There are so many positives. I want to be on those bandwagons! But, it isn't me :( I am an eclectic. I feel that in all of these religions ... it is really all about God. Same God. I don't care what religion I need to subscribe too. It isn't about the religion. It is just about God. Multiple paths to learn about him .... And I don't believe little kids need to be in the church each week when they aren't getting a thing out of it and their presence there stresses me to the core. So, I also get nothing out of it. I believe in Sunday School for kids while the parents are in church. I believe in comfortable clothing in church and Sunday School. I do not believe my attendance at church or Sunday School needs to be monitored each week. I am a big girl and God is the only true judge.
Anyway, in recent weeks, I feel like I have been having an affair on our church. We have found a church/Sunday School that fits me and the girls so much better in many ways. But I want the school too and this other church does not have a school component after preschool. But I can't do it anymore. It isn't who I am. But, I am an eclectic ... And, therefore, I want to be a part of both churches ... but not beholden to either ... Is this so terrible?
Our experiences in the last two years at this church and school have been life changing. Lots of experiences are life changing, but these two years go into the records for our family. Most of the changes have been related to the positive impact this environment has had on our oldest child.
But, we have all grown spiritually as a result of our committment to this church/school over the last two years. The people at this church/school are some of the nicest I have met anywhere. The environment is small, yet large enough to offer a variety of activities and people to interact with.
And once again, like always, I feel the need to bolt from this type of environment ... which makes me sad. It isn't something I can really control. A huge part of this is budget related, although the school has indicated that financial help is a very real possibility. But, mainly, I can't be who I am not. I am not an organized religion person, by nature nor in my heart. My relationship with God has always been personal. It doesn't fit into a Catholic box or a Lutheran box, sadly ....
I want to fit in these boxes! There are so many positives. I want to be on those bandwagons! But, it isn't me :( I am an eclectic. I feel that in all of these religions ... it is really all about God. Same God. I don't care what religion I need to subscribe too. It isn't about the religion. It is just about God. Multiple paths to learn about him .... And I don't believe little kids need to be in the church each week when they aren't getting a thing out of it and their presence there stresses me to the core. So, I also get nothing out of it. I believe in Sunday School for kids while the parents are in church. I believe in comfortable clothing in church and Sunday School. I do not believe my attendance at church or Sunday School needs to be monitored each week. I am a big girl and God is the only true judge.
Anyway, in recent weeks, I feel like I have been having an affair on our church. We have found a church/Sunday School that fits me and the girls so much better in many ways. But I want the school too and this other church does not have a school component after preschool. But I can't do it anymore. It isn't who I am. But, I am an eclectic ... And, therefore, I want to be a part of both churches ... but not beholden to either ... Is this so terrible?
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Drop in post ...
I don't get by here very often to post and I really need to. Writing down my thoughts helps me to make sense of them. I am in a bit of a hurry right now, but I am just going to take a moment to post a few things top in my mind lately ...
I am very troubled by the government's preoccupation with standardized testing. I want to move the girls to public school next year for a variety of reasons. But, they assess the kids every two weeks there! Seriously. How can that be good for kids? How redundant? What a complete waste of time ...
The private schools we have been apart of take all this testing very seriously (too seriously in my opinion) as well. But they only assess every 11 weeks. That is reasonable, but also more often than necessary.
The world is made up of many people who somehow get into positions of control and not because they are smart, honorable or impactful. When I was young I thought I could fight for what is right ... and win. It didn't happen, although now ... years later ... smoking bans are in place here and I wasn't the ring leader in that fight at all. My little fliers I papered my neighborhood with back in the day (as a fifth grader) told the facts and emphasized solutions related to public smoking back then. But nothing changed by my doings and I became very discouraged with any impact I could truly make in the world. The way I cope now is just do my best to fight for what is right in my own little world, with my own little family.
I want to circumvent this junk going on in education right now. I am certain these crazed folks will come to their senses in a few years and I don't want my kids damaged by their wrongful ideas and ridiculous legislation.
It is hard to see the "right" thing to do here for my kids. I wish the answer was very clear. I really don't want to keep them at the private school either. For each path, there is a price to pay. I still feel like my little girls are young enough to not be subject to all this nonsense. I want them to love education as much as they did in the preschool years. I feel helpless to save my kids from what I see is massive wrongness. It makes me very sad :(
I am very troubled by the government's preoccupation with standardized testing. I want to move the girls to public school next year for a variety of reasons. But, they assess the kids every two weeks there! Seriously. How can that be good for kids? How redundant? What a complete waste of time ...
The private schools we have been apart of take all this testing very seriously (too seriously in my opinion) as well. But they only assess every 11 weeks. That is reasonable, but also more often than necessary.
The world is made up of many people who somehow get into positions of control and not because they are smart, honorable or impactful. When I was young I thought I could fight for what is right ... and win. It didn't happen, although now ... years later ... smoking bans are in place here and I wasn't the ring leader in that fight at all. My little fliers I papered my neighborhood with back in the day (as a fifth grader) told the facts and emphasized solutions related to public smoking back then. But nothing changed by my doings and I became very discouraged with any impact I could truly make in the world. The way I cope now is just do my best to fight for what is right in my own little world, with my own little family.
I want to circumvent this junk going on in education right now. I am certain these crazed folks will come to their senses in a few years and I don't want my kids damaged by their wrongful ideas and ridiculous legislation.
It is hard to see the "right" thing to do here for my kids. I wish the answer was very clear. I really don't want to keep them at the private school either. For each path, there is a price to pay. I still feel like my little girls are young enough to not be subject to all this nonsense. I want them to love education as much as they did in the preschool years. I feel helpless to save my kids from what I see is massive wrongness. It makes me very sad :(
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Goals and Dreams ....
What are your goals and dreams? I have been thinking about this because I am facing a life transition in a matter of months. My youngest baby will be heading off to Kindergarten and I am a Stay-At-Home mom right now. What will I do when the kids are in school??
Work is my plan. But what kind of work? I still want to be available to my kids before and after school. Some options I am considering are ... substitute work in the schools, paraprofessional in the schools, office job in the schools, going back to not-for-profit work (former career type of work), getting a job at a University (the resume is ready to go, but I cannot bring myself to send it.) I think that is because I am not ready to be beholden to a work schedule that doesn't enable me to put my kids first. I mean, Summer is coming ...
I have also thought about starting a business from my home again. I have found that I don't enjoy my work as well in isolation though. So, I would like some balance out in the real world too. Or a partner. Since I don't have a business right now, I can't really hire a partner ... Hmmmm ....
Work is my plan. But what kind of work? I still want to be available to my kids before and after school. Some options I am considering are ... substitute work in the schools, paraprofessional in the schools, office job in the schools, going back to not-for-profit work (former career type of work), getting a job at a University (the resume is ready to go, but I cannot bring myself to send it.) I think that is because I am not ready to be beholden to a work schedule that doesn't enable me to put my kids first. I mean, Summer is coming ...
I have also thought about starting a business from my home again. I have found that I don't enjoy my work as well in isolation though. So, I would like some balance out in the real world too. Or a partner. Since I don't have a business right now, I can't really hire a partner ... Hmmmm ....
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Basket of Nerves!
I am a basket of nerves today!!! Today is the day we visit the high schools that we hope my eighth grader will attend next year. (We want him to be accepted into an early college high school program. He is excited to tour today and wants to go to this school very much too.)
I don't know why I am so nervous! Maybe it is because the counselor for this program didn't respond to her phone calls when I was trying to get information about touring. I am worried we won't get the application in on time because of something like that (they might lose it because it won't be coming in the traditional way, which is through the Jr. High feeder schools).
I am worried about looking too eager. I am worried about looking to uppity since we are coming from a private school. Will I make someone think I am too anal if I send the application by certified mail to ensure they receive it? They say no applications will be accepted after Feb. 3. I can't wait to get this application in and know it is being considered! I am also worried that my son's current teachers and counselor won't finish the evaluation forms on time, or that they will mail them in to the wrong place.
O.K. heading out now!!! Wish us luck!!!
I don't know why I am so nervous! Maybe it is because the counselor for this program didn't respond to her phone calls when I was trying to get information about touring. I am worried we won't get the application in on time because of something like that (they might lose it because it won't be coming in the traditional way, which is through the Jr. High feeder schools).
I am worried about looking too eager. I am worried about looking to uppity since we are coming from a private school. Will I make someone think I am too anal if I send the application by certified mail to ensure they receive it? They say no applications will be accepted after Feb. 3. I can't wait to get this application in and know it is being considered! I am also worried that my son's current teachers and counselor won't finish the evaluation forms on time, or that they will mail them in to the wrong place.
O.K. heading out now!!! Wish us luck!!!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Happy New Year!!
I know it is a bit late to celebrate the traditional new year, but I am finally realizing it is January! Christmas was busy and crazy as usual. Then shortly after New Year's Day, we went on a family vacation to Florida. We have been back only just over a week and we are finally settling into a normal routine this week. Whew! (It was so awesome btw to experience SUMMER weather in the middle of Winter. I miss Florida already. The family time was really special too during this first vacation in many, many years for our family. I miss Disney World already and we are already talking about going back again next year!)
This new year brings a lot of exciting things ahead. This will be the year that my youngest will start Kindergarten in the Fall and my oldest will begin High School. This will be the year that I will get to decide on a new direction for myself in the Fall because with all of the kids in school full-time, I would truly enjoy a lucrative challenge outside the home. Did I tell you that partial day Kindergarten died in Indiana just this year? My Pre-K daughter will go to full-day, all-day Kindergarten next year whether I like it or not and wherever she goes to school. (I am not a homeschooling mom). It makes me sad that our options have been eliminated. She would probably prefer a partial day schedule. She gets worn out. But it is still months away.
This will also be the year that all of my babies will go (or go back to) public school. The girls don't need a unique school environment and it is costly to send them to private school. We are middle income people and school vouchers don't touch our income level. Those with a low income can now go to private school practically free, and wealthy people will hardly notice $6,000 off of their much higher income than ours I believe. But even so, I think the move is the right one for all of my kids. I continue to hear great things about our local public school (in the younger grades anyway) and my oldest might benefit from a specialized program where he could earn an Associate's degree upon high school graduation free of charge. (Please say a prayer for us that he gets into this program. It would be such an opportunity for him! We have to apply in less than two weeks ... yikes!)
One thing I look forward to with putting my little ones in public school next year is that I can meet them for lunch if they want me to. My youngest might really appreciate that next year because she is such a mommy's girl and full-day Kindergarten will be a big adjustment for her. Our private school really doesn't allow the meeting for lunch thing because the kids eat lunch right in their classroom in the younger grades. I also look forward to having lunch provided by the school next year! Our lunch lady this year quit (right after Christmas break) at the private school and I am TIRED of lunch-making everyday already. (And the kids have only been in school seven days in January thus far because of Christmas break, our vacation and Martin Luther King, Jr. day.
As much as I adore our private school for my oldest, I think it is just o.k. for my Kindergartener. I know that God is a central focus in this school environment and I can definitely see the benefits of that, but I think they go a bit overboard with the religious teachings. My Kindergartener was taught how it is all of our responsibilities as Christians to go out and share the gospel and bring people to God's word. She is 6 and that approach to religion is just taking it a bit too far in my opinion. Plus, she hates memorizing the weekly Bible verse and it is a weekly struggle. In first grade these kiddos get two bible verses a week. Seriously, no way!
But, the middle school is amazing and the girls might go there someday for middle school ... who knows. We do plan to stay members of and remain active in our church, the girl scouts there and church sports too. The girls recently started playing basketball there and we had such a great time watching them practice so far. It is fun to know people you are sitting with when watching your kids play sports or participate in activities. The public school does not have basketball, so that will be a nice compliment to the change in schools next year. We can still do so much without spending so much darn money.
So, I am already looking at job ads and making plans. I want something part-time so that I can still be here with the kids after school most days of the week. I want something interesting and professional in both atmosphere and payment. I am already on the countdown for Summer vacation. I want warmth and shorts and outdoor swimming pool time.
This new year brings a lot of exciting things ahead. This will be the year that my youngest will start Kindergarten in the Fall and my oldest will begin High School. This will be the year that I will get to decide on a new direction for myself in the Fall because with all of the kids in school full-time, I would truly enjoy a lucrative challenge outside the home. Did I tell you that partial day Kindergarten died in Indiana just this year? My Pre-K daughter will go to full-day, all-day Kindergarten next year whether I like it or not and wherever she goes to school. (I am not a homeschooling mom). It makes me sad that our options have been eliminated. She would probably prefer a partial day schedule. She gets worn out. But it is still months away.
This will also be the year that all of my babies will go (or go back to) public school. The girls don't need a unique school environment and it is costly to send them to private school. We are middle income people and school vouchers don't touch our income level. Those with a low income can now go to private school practically free, and wealthy people will hardly notice $6,000 off of their much higher income than ours I believe. But even so, I think the move is the right one for all of my kids. I continue to hear great things about our local public school (in the younger grades anyway) and my oldest might benefit from a specialized program where he could earn an Associate's degree upon high school graduation free of charge. (Please say a prayer for us that he gets into this program. It would be such an opportunity for him! We have to apply in less than two weeks ... yikes!)
One thing I look forward to with putting my little ones in public school next year is that I can meet them for lunch if they want me to. My youngest might really appreciate that next year because she is such a mommy's girl and full-day Kindergarten will be a big adjustment for her. Our private school really doesn't allow the meeting for lunch thing because the kids eat lunch right in their classroom in the younger grades. I also look forward to having lunch provided by the school next year! Our lunch lady this year quit (right after Christmas break) at the private school and I am TIRED of lunch-making everyday already. (And the kids have only been in school seven days in January thus far because of Christmas break, our vacation and Martin Luther King, Jr. day.
As much as I adore our private school for my oldest, I think it is just o.k. for my Kindergartener. I know that God is a central focus in this school environment and I can definitely see the benefits of that, but I think they go a bit overboard with the religious teachings. My Kindergartener was taught how it is all of our responsibilities as Christians to go out and share the gospel and bring people to God's word. She is 6 and that approach to religion is just taking it a bit too far in my opinion. Plus, she hates memorizing the weekly Bible verse and it is a weekly struggle. In first grade these kiddos get two bible verses a week. Seriously, no way!
But, the middle school is amazing and the girls might go there someday for middle school ... who knows. We do plan to stay members of and remain active in our church, the girl scouts there and church sports too. The girls recently started playing basketball there and we had such a great time watching them practice so far. It is fun to know people you are sitting with when watching your kids play sports or participate in activities. The public school does not have basketball, so that will be a nice compliment to the change in schools next year. We can still do so much without spending so much darn money.
So, I am already looking at job ads and making plans. I want something part-time so that I can still be here with the kids after school most days of the week. I want something interesting and professional in both atmosphere and payment. I am already on the countdown for Summer vacation. I want warmth and shorts and outdoor swimming pool time.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Not Ready!
I'm not ready for Christmas. We have already had one Christmas celebration with my husband's side of the family, and I guess it felt too good to have that behind us. Because I have done very little to get ready for ACTUAL Christmas this weekend.
It always works out though. Somehow, it always comes together and it is always a nice, enjoyable family day.
And somehow, we always over do it ... and we always overspend too ....
'Tis the Season!
It always works out though. Somehow, it always comes together and it is always a nice, enjoyable family day.
And somehow, we always over do it ... and we always overspend too ....
'Tis the Season!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Vision Problems ...
I learned something new that I did not know even existed in the world. Honestly, I thank God everyday for my son's homeroom teacher at his small Lutheran School. If it weren't for her being ALL OVER his behind everyday, expecting nothing but THE best out of him, he would never have been diagnosed with ADD; and therefore, he would never have attended nine months of Occupational Therapy for his related fine motor problems ... and ... this takes the cake ... we would never have found out that he has a vision disability!
You see, we were plugging away through the school year and feeling like things were so much better with ds's new medicine for his ADD. His fine motor skills did improve through Occupational Therapy over the last nine months, although not greatly. I am glad he was able to make the improvements he did, but his handwriting is only slightly better. This is not a big deal in today's computerized world though.
However, at the school conferences in November, ds's homeroom teacher insisted that there was still a problem. Keep in mind that my son's grades were all very good. Every single grade was between 80 and 90 percent. But he has this pattern with going along well and then completely bombing miscellaneous assignments along the way here and there, always keeping him out of the 90's for his overall trimester grades.
So, we went back to the pediatrician and we sought some additional medicine. He continues to take 72 mg. of Concerta, but we have now added Intuniv to his Concerta each day. His attention at school has improved a little more, so that is good.
But then, as we were concluding Occupational Therapy earlier this month, ds's OT mentioned that he had accomplished all of his goals, but that he still had some problems with visual depth perception. What the heck is that??
Well, because the homeroom teacher insisted that there were still learning problems, we went to one of the three Developmental Optometrists in our City and found out what this problem was. (Only a Developmental Optometrist can diagnose vision problems that contribute to learning disabilities apparently. Who knew? I mean, I was taking him to the best eye doctor wasn't I? He had been going to an Opthalmologist for goodness sakes!)
But no. Opthalmologists don't diagnose eye motor issues. They test for visual accuity and provide care for eye diseases and perform eye surgeries. The Developmental Optometrist does all of the above (accept surgeries) and more.
So, we found out that my son, whose eyes look just fine and normal to the everyday observer, do not track well together. Because of this, he cannot distinguish images in 3-D and he is in the 18th percentile for his speed in tracking his eyes from left to right and from right to left. So, 82 percent of kids his age can move their eyes across type faster than he can .. and perceive the information they are viewing. Since this is a perceptual problem, my son can see the type, he just can't perceive it. I know. Strange, huh?
But, when it comes to tracking his eyes vertically (like reading up and down columns,) he is in the 1st percentile! No wonder he has problems with math. For the most part, math is done vertically!
The best news about all of this is that this problem can be corrected. There is something called Vision Therapy that he can attend weekly. Again, this is something I had no clue even existed. So, in January, we will begin ninth months of Vision Therapy. Hopefully, this has ds done and completely ready for high school in the Fall.
You see, we were plugging away through the school year and feeling like things were so much better with ds's new medicine for his ADD. His fine motor skills did improve through Occupational Therapy over the last nine months, although not greatly. I am glad he was able to make the improvements he did, but his handwriting is only slightly better. This is not a big deal in today's computerized world though.
However, at the school conferences in November, ds's homeroom teacher insisted that there was still a problem. Keep in mind that my son's grades were all very good. Every single grade was between 80 and 90 percent. But he has this pattern with going along well and then completely bombing miscellaneous assignments along the way here and there, always keeping him out of the 90's for his overall trimester grades.
So, we went back to the pediatrician and we sought some additional medicine. He continues to take 72 mg. of Concerta, but we have now added Intuniv to his Concerta each day. His attention at school has improved a little more, so that is good.
But then, as we were concluding Occupational Therapy earlier this month, ds's OT mentioned that he had accomplished all of his goals, but that he still had some problems with visual depth perception. What the heck is that??
Well, because the homeroom teacher insisted that there were still learning problems, we went to one of the three Developmental Optometrists in our City and found out what this problem was. (Only a Developmental Optometrist can diagnose vision problems that contribute to learning disabilities apparently. Who knew? I mean, I was taking him to the best eye doctor wasn't I? He had been going to an Opthalmologist for goodness sakes!)
But no. Opthalmologists don't diagnose eye motor issues. They test for visual accuity and provide care for eye diseases and perform eye surgeries. The Developmental Optometrist does all of the above (accept surgeries) and more.
So, we found out that my son, whose eyes look just fine and normal to the everyday observer, do not track well together. Because of this, he cannot distinguish images in 3-D and he is in the 18th percentile for his speed in tracking his eyes from left to right and from right to left. So, 82 percent of kids his age can move their eyes across type faster than he can .. and perceive the information they are viewing. Since this is a perceptual problem, my son can see the type, he just can't perceive it. I know. Strange, huh?
But, when it comes to tracking his eyes vertically (like reading up and down columns,) he is in the 1st percentile! No wonder he has problems with math. For the most part, math is done vertically!
The best news about all of this is that this problem can be corrected. There is something called Vision Therapy that he can attend weekly. Again, this is something I had no clue even existed. So, in January, we will begin ninth months of Vision Therapy. Hopefully, this has ds done and completely ready for high school in the Fall.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
My Amazing Son ... and School Vouchers
One of the greatest joys in my life is my relationship with my teenager. He is 14 years old and one of the biggest lights of my life. He and I have been through a lot together in life already. For eight years, he was my one and only child. He has definitely reaped the benefits (and the downsides) of being an only child for eight years of his life :)
He is an amazing big brother ... so patient and kind to his little sisters who rip through our house like tornados on a daily basis. He is a great role model to them and they adore him. He is also very insightful for his age and very interesting to talk to. He tends to be a quiet kid out in the world at large, but there is MUCH he does not miss. He has a definite gift for understanding and empathizing with people. And his sense of humor is just ... honestly ... delightful :)
My dear son has always been a student in the middle though. We had some tough years in his early grades because he just could not keep up with the school work load. With my dedication and his efforts though, he has never failed a subject in school. But, with each grade level, school became harder and harder ... and I became more and more tired, and less and less capable of re-teaching (homeschooling) him at the end of the lengthy school days.
One of the biggest blessings of our lives has been the private school he began attending last year for 7th grade. It is a religious school and, honestly, you can feel God's presence in that building every single minute of the day. Some days I feel grumbly or whatever, and I go into that building and I am ALWAYS just perfectly awed by the teachers, the students and the loving, Christian environment. I know this is a place that God led our family to and wanted my kids to spend some time in.
In the nearly 1.5 years my son has been in this school, he has been anything but LEFT BEHIND. I am a believer, based on my unique school experiences with my son, that it is the children in the middle who are the ones being left behind in our schools today.
The kids who behave poorly for whatever reason have the teachers' attention the entire day, while the kids in the middle plug away and do their best in the same classroom with these kids. And the higher performing kids get to be in special programs, unique environments ... gifted, honors groups, etc. These types of programs have behavior standards and the kids in them are not being left behind for sure either. They are getting a leg up. Just the amount of time that the teachers in these programs don't have to allot to the misbehaving bunch gives these kids an advantage.
So, I have to pay for my childrens' education. I pay twice. Once as a tax payer and once to actually get them educated. It sucks. Our State did recently begin a voucher program though and I am very thankful that any child in our State can now have true school choice. Public school is not for everyone. Children are being left behind there (here in Indiana) every day. The class sizes are getting bigger and bigger while the standards for education everywhere are getting higher and higher. What gets my goat is that parents who already needed to, or chose to put their kids in private school to get them educated, don't qualify for the voucher program. That is just wrong.
If my child was bullied out of public school, our family deserves a voucher no matter how much money we make (and we are not a high income family) .... but I will not allow myself to resort to bitterness. I want to go there, but I won't. I will focus on the kids in our State who will no longer have to be stuffed into an educational system that may not be the best fit for them. I pray that kids who have been bullied can come to our State's private schools and feel safe, find their strengths, gain confidence and learn about God along the way. But I think I am going to tell my story to our Governor in some way. Maybe a letter. The voucher law is a good one, but it is incomplete. This is an issue I am passionate about.
He is an amazing big brother ... so patient and kind to his little sisters who rip through our house like tornados on a daily basis. He is a great role model to them and they adore him. He is also very insightful for his age and very interesting to talk to. He tends to be a quiet kid out in the world at large, but there is MUCH he does not miss. He has a definite gift for understanding and empathizing with people. And his sense of humor is just ... honestly ... delightful :)
My dear son has always been a student in the middle though. We had some tough years in his early grades because he just could not keep up with the school work load. With my dedication and his efforts though, he has never failed a subject in school. But, with each grade level, school became harder and harder ... and I became more and more tired, and less and less capable of re-teaching (homeschooling) him at the end of the lengthy school days.
One of the biggest blessings of our lives has been the private school he began attending last year for 7th grade. It is a religious school and, honestly, you can feel God's presence in that building every single minute of the day. Some days I feel grumbly or whatever, and I go into that building and I am ALWAYS just perfectly awed by the teachers, the students and the loving, Christian environment. I know this is a place that God led our family to and wanted my kids to spend some time in.
In the nearly 1.5 years my son has been in this school, he has been anything but LEFT BEHIND. I am a believer, based on my unique school experiences with my son, that it is the children in the middle who are the ones being left behind in our schools today.
The kids who behave poorly for whatever reason have the teachers' attention the entire day, while the kids in the middle plug away and do their best in the same classroom with these kids. And the higher performing kids get to be in special programs, unique environments ... gifted, honors groups, etc. These types of programs have behavior standards and the kids in them are not being left behind for sure either. They are getting a leg up. Just the amount of time that the teachers in these programs don't have to allot to the misbehaving bunch gives these kids an advantage.
So, I have to pay for my childrens' education. I pay twice. Once as a tax payer and once to actually get them educated. It sucks. Our State did recently begin a voucher program though and I am very thankful that any child in our State can now have true school choice. Public school is not for everyone. Children are being left behind there (here in Indiana) every day. The class sizes are getting bigger and bigger while the standards for education everywhere are getting higher and higher. What gets my goat is that parents who already needed to, or chose to put their kids in private school to get them educated, don't qualify for the voucher program. That is just wrong.
If my child was bullied out of public school, our family deserves a voucher no matter how much money we make (and we are not a high income family) .... but I will not allow myself to resort to bitterness. I want to go there, but I won't. I will focus on the kids in our State who will no longer have to be stuffed into an educational system that may not be the best fit for them. I pray that kids who have been bullied can come to our State's private schools and feel safe, find their strengths, gain confidence and learn about God along the way. But I think I am going to tell my story to our Governor in some way. Maybe a letter. The voucher law is a good one, but it is incomplete. This is an issue I am passionate about.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tuesday Morning Thoughts ...
I have a secret. I love Tuesday mornings! Why? Because I only have to get two of my three kids off to school on Tuesday mornings. One less kid in the morning rush makes a huge difference in the morning!
So, here's how it goes: On Tuesdays, I just get the other two up and going and then all I have to do is carry my youngest, sleeping, out to the car. She is along, sleeping, for the morning drop off ride and then I carry her back into the house and she sleeps the ENTIRE rest of the morning until it is time to pick up my Kindergartner (before lunch). How cool is that?? She is happy. I am happy. So, this is my Tuesday morning "me" time. I am a lucky mom!
My other thoughts this morning are related to just marveling over a sense of peace I have had recently about a lot of things that used to get me riled up. Just two days ago, I hosted the family Thanksgiving at my house (for 33 people). I am not sure what inspired me to "volunteer" my house for the holiday this year. But honestly, the main reason I volunteered is that I prefer to be at my own house. At my house, I get to set the rules, the activities, the time we eat, where we will eat, what we will eat, the house temperature, who can come and how long the party goes on. And I can just wear my shorts all day! No need to pack things up in the car and haul the family somewhere else. No need to mess with coats, shoes, extra clothing, etc. Plus, I just like being in my own space. I actually get a trapped feeling sometimes at other family members' homes on the holidays. I just want to do my own thing! So, it was great!
The holiday was a "pitch-in," so other than the turkey, we did no cooking. But there was still much expense and preparation involved. When you add up the price of two turkeys, paper products, condiments and 2-liter drinks, it wasn't cheap. But the hardest work for this event was not related to food or cooking. It was the cleaning!!
I started about a week or so before the big day and I cleaned, decluttered, organized, rearranged things ... and I basically just got a whole lot done that wasn't getting done in my house before I took this on. I worked until the first person arrived (six minutes early by the way ... ugh!) And I didn't get everything done that I had wanted to get done. But I knew that it would turn out alright no matter how much I got done. Somehow, things ALWAYS have a way of pulling together nicely just when the event is ready to begin. And this was the thought that kept me at peace through the entire event. It always works out. And it did this time too. Just getting my house in this kind of shape was worth welcoming 33 people in for dinner. I have no regrets!
And the other best part of this holiday hosting for our family --- WE ARE DONE! No more Thanksgiving cooking or preparation going on here anymore. The four days off for Thanksgiving are now wide open and we get to do whatever we want to! We are going to a movie on Thanksgiving and we might even eat out at a chinese buffet. Life is good and I am REALLY looking forward to the upcoming time off with just my own immediate family :-) So, whew ... we survived another holiday ... and the best part is still ahead for us! Happy Thankgiving :-)
So, here's how it goes: On Tuesdays, I just get the other two up and going and then all I have to do is carry my youngest, sleeping, out to the car. She is along, sleeping, for the morning drop off ride and then I carry her back into the house and she sleeps the ENTIRE rest of the morning until it is time to pick up my Kindergartner (before lunch). How cool is that?? She is happy. I am happy. So, this is my Tuesday morning "me" time. I am a lucky mom!
My other thoughts this morning are related to just marveling over a sense of peace I have had recently about a lot of things that used to get me riled up. Just two days ago, I hosted the family Thanksgiving at my house (for 33 people). I am not sure what inspired me to "volunteer" my house for the holiday this year. But honestly, the main reason I volunteered is that I prefer to be at my own house. At my house, I get to set the rules, the activities, the time we eat, where we will eat, what we will eat, the house temperature, who can come and how long the party goes on. And I can just wear my shorts all day! No need to pack things up in the car and haul the family somewhere else. No need to mess with coats, shoes, extra clothing, etc. Plus, I just like being in my own space. I actually get a trapped feeling sometimes at other family members' homes on the holidays. I just want to do my own thing! So, it was great!
The holiday was a "pitch-in," so other than the turkey, we did no cooking. But there was still much expense and preparation involved. When you add up the price of two turkeys, paper products, condiments and 2-liter drinks, it wasn't cheap. But the hardest work for this event was not related to food or cooking. It was the cleaning!!
I started about a week or so before the big day and I cleaned, decluttered, organized, rearranged things ... and I basically just got a whole lot done that wasn't getting done in my house before I took this on. I worked until the first person arrived (six minutes early by the way ... ugh!) And I didn't get everything done that I had wanted to get done. But I knew that it would turn out alright no matter how much I got done. Somehow, things ALWAYS have a way of pulling together nicely just when the event is ready to begin. And this was the thought that kept me at peace through the entire event. It always works out. And it did this time too. Just getting my house in this kind of shape was worth welcoming 33 people in for dinner. I have no regrets!
And the other best part of this holiday hosting for our family --- WE ARE DONE! No more Thanksgiving cooking or preparation going on here anymore. The four days off for Thanksgiving are now wide open and we get to do whatever we want to! We are going to a movie on Thanksgiving and we might even eat out at a chinese buffet. Life is good and I am REALLY looking forward to the upcoming time off with just my own immediate family :-) So, whew ... we survived another holiday ... and the best part is still ahead for us! Happy Thankgiving :-)
Friday, November 4, 2011
Returning to the career world ...
I am not returning to the career world just yet; but it has dawned on me how I could do so if I really wanted or needed to. If we had put our youngest child in preschool where my older two kids go, I would be able to return to work as soon as I found a job. Because they have a terrific before-and-after-care program there.
But, I don't want to return just yet anyway. Well, part of me does. But I have come this far with my younger two kids as a full-time, at-home mom. I want to sacrifice and continue to be home for the kids until all three of them are launched full time in school. And I want to take that as slow as possible because I really don't believe in full-day Kindergarten. If that is our only choice next year though, I will go back to work next year. I mean, you have to do what you have to do. And I am not cut out to homeschool.
Anyway, I have been thinking about what I really need in a job for it to be satifsying. Ideally, there would be variety, flexibility, problem-solving, challenges, intellectual stimulation, no bureaucracy, little paperwork, lots of autonomy, room for growth, interesting co-workers, on-the-job learning, respectable pay and the opportunity to work with people in a meaningful way.
That is a start. Now ... to figure out what kind of job would be an ideal fit ...
But, I don't want to return just yet anyway. Well, part of me does. But I have come this far with my younger two kids as a full-time, at-home mom. I want to sacrifice and continue to be home for the kids until all three of them are launched full time in school. And I want to take that as slow as possible because I really don't believe in full-day Kindergarten. If that is our only choice next year though, I will go back to work next year. I mean, you have to do what you have to do. And I am not cut out to homeschool.
Anyway, I have been thinking about what I really need in a job for it to be satifsying. Ideally, there would be variety, flexibility, problem-solving, challenges, intellectual stimulation, no bureaucracy, little paperwork, lots of autonomy, room for growth, interesting co-workers, on-the-job learning, respectable pay and the opportunity to work with people in a meaningful way.
That is a start. Now ... to figure out what kind of job would be an ideal fit ...
Thursday, November 3, 2011
"When one door closes ..."
"When one door closes, another opens" is the topic on my mind this morning.
Recently, there has been some change in my day-to-day life. Although I never thought I would feel this way about such a change, it has been a positive change overall, I think.
For years I have been involved on a message board with other moms who daily discussed our children and our lives. I loved the sharing, the learning from each other, and the friendships we formed through the years. I really felt like I had close and supportive friends in that group, even if we had never met in real life. These gals were my friends. In my heart, they were true friends. I was THEIR friend in my heart and in my support on the message board. But were they my friends?
That is the question that came up for me when things recently turned very ugly on our little message board for another board member. Now, I am questioning if any of these people really cared about me, or for others on the board who they truly seemed to support over the years. (Which makes me realize the dangers of posting personal things online to strangers ... for years ...)
In any case, I realize now that this group of people were not really my friends. We were just moms who shared interests over the years I guess. True friends have disagreements and maybe even nasty words (hopefully on rare occasions), but they care about each other enough to move beyond the dissent. Long-term friends typically know who each other are from building a relationship over time, even online. And true friendships take effort and sometimes sacrifice on both sides of the relationship. One person just cannot always be the one who is right. It isn't possible. Taking responsibility for hurting other people with harsh words and judgments ... and apologies and forgiveness ... just need to be part of the package of true friendship.
When it isn't, you really begin to wonder what you had all of those years. How stupid you may have been ... although, I am not stupid. But I am smarter now I think. I now think that some of these people were just on the board to hear others' personal life issues so that somehow they could feel better about their own lives. A bit sick I think. It isn't a thought I like having, but I think it is true and have come to deal with it. But it now makes it very hard for me to post anything on any message board, or on Facebook. I hope I get over that.
In any case, there is a silver lining. When one door closes, another opens, right? What I am finding is that I actually feel much better than when I was a part of that particular board. Although I didn't think I cared what these people thought of me or my decisions on the board, a lot of things that were said did cause me to feel hurt or to feel bad about myself regardless ... simply because they were mean and thoughtless. And so much was said within the silences as well. The silences were not quiet.
So, the door that has opened is sort of a freeing feeling. I think that feeling comes from standing up for myself. I am proud of the decisions I have made for my kids about school. I am proud of the fact that I am not materialistic, nor are my kids and husband. I am proud of the fact that I can see the beauty and positive qualities in pretty much everyone. I am proud of the fact that I can see things from all angles. I am proud of the fact that people matter more to me than being right or being accepted. I am proud that my kids are good people, inside and out. And I am going to blog more because it feels good to just be me.
And, most importantly, I forgive my fellow board friends. We are all just people. Just human beings trying to make our way in this world and as mothers.
Recently, there has been some change in my day-to-day life. Although I never thought I would feel this way about such a change, it has been a positive change overall, I think.
For years I have been involved on a message board with other moms who daily discussed our children and our lives. I loved the sharing, the learning from each other, and the friendships we formed through the years. I really felt like I had close and supportive friends in that group, even if we had never met in real life. These gals were my friends. In my heart, they were true friends. I was THEIR friend in my heart and in my support on the message board. But were they my friends?
That is the question that came up for me when things recently turned very ugly on our little message board for another board member. Now, I am questioning if any of these people really cared about me, or for others on the board who they truly seemed to support over the years. (Which makes me realize the dangers of posting personal things online to strangers ... for years ...)
In any case, I realize now that this group of people were not really my friends. We were just moms who shared interests over the years I guess. True friends have disagreements and maybe even nasty words (hopefully on rare occasions), but they care about each other enough to move beyond the dissent. Long-term friends typically know who each other are from building a relationship over time, even online. And true friendships take effort and sometimes sacrifice on both sides of the relationship. One person just cannot always be the one who is right. It isn't possible. Taking responsibility for hurting other people with harsh words and judgments ... and apologies and forgiveness ... just need to be part of the package of true friendship.
When it isn't, you really begin to wonder what you had all of those years. How stupid you may have been ... although, I am not stupid. But I am smarter now I think. I now think that some of these people were just on the board to hear others' personal life issues so that somehow they could feel better about their own lives. A bit sick I think. It isn't a thought I like having, but I think it is true and have come to deal with it. But it now makes it very hard for me to post anything on any message board, or on Facebook. I hope I get over that.
In any case, there is a silver lining. When one door closes, another opens, right? What I am finding is that I actually feel much better than when I was a part of that particular board. Although I didn't think I cared what these people thought of me or my decisions on the board, a lot of things that were said did cause me to feel hurt or to feel bad about myself regardless ... simply because they were mean and thoughtless. And so much was said within the silences as well. The silences were not quiet.
So, the door that has opened is sort of a freeing feeling. I think that feeling comes from standing up for myself. I am proud of the decisions I have made for my kids about school. I am proud of the fact that I am not materialistic, nor are my kids and husband. I am proud of the fact that I can see the beauty and positive qualities in pretty much everyone. I am proud of the fact that I can see things from all angles. I am proud of the fact that people matter more to me than being right or being accepted. I am proud that my kids are good people, inside and out. And I am going to blog more because it feels good to just be me.
And, most importantly, I forgive my fellow board friends. We are all just people. Just human beings trying to make our way in this world and as mothers.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Ahhh November 1
Yay, it is November 1! I love, love, love November 1!
Why?
Because October for our family is one crazy roller coaster ride from start to finish.
Here are this year's October highlights --
Seven family birthdays.
Five family birthday gatherings.
One joint kids' birthday party, with 23 kids in attendance
Two school field trips
One School Fall party
Two School birthday snacks to send in
Two Trunk-or-Treats
One haunted house visit
And Halloween trick-or-treating
Whew! It is like Christmas!
So, November 1 is my day to reflect on the October fun while taking a bit of a breather before the holiday rush begins once again just before Thanksgiving (and goes non-stop until January 1.)
Because as much as I enjoy celebrating the holidays with my family, they are A LOT of work! (Honestly, I think the hardest part is the house cleaning for the various events; because, my husband is a big help when it comes to some of the family parties (he will cook) and trick-or-treating (he will pull the girls in the wagon on Halloween night tirelessly).
Anyway, goodbye dear October. You have been fun :) Hello November 1!
Why?
Because October for our family is one crazy roller coaster ride from start to finish.
Here are this year's October highlights --
Seven family birthdays.
Five family birthday gatherings.
One joint kids' birthday party, with 23 kids in attendance
Two school field trips
One School Fall party
Two School birthday snacks to send in
Two Trunk-or-Treats
One haunted house visit
And Halloween trick-or-treating
Whew! It is like Christmas!
So, November 1 is my day to reflect on the October fun while taking a bit of a breather before the holiday rush begins once again just before Thanksgiving (and goes non-stop until January 1.)
Because as much as I enjoy celebrating the holidays with my family, they are A LOT of work! (Honestly, I think the hardest part is the house cleaning for the various events; because, my husband is a big help when it comes to some of the family parties (he will cook) and trick-or-treating (he will pull the girls in the wagon on Halloween night tirelessly).
Anyway, goodbye dear October. You have been fun :) Hello November 1!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
What was I thinking???
Today is the girls' first joint birthday party with friends at our local indoor inflatable playground.
24 kids total, including mine.
Picking up an extra child from school for lunch beforehand, to help her parents with transportation.
Need to drive 30 minutes across town to get the cake I had to have ...
Then back to school to pick up my Kindergartener and the extra girl.
Then back home to serve lunch.
Then the 15 minute drive back to the party place.
I am exhausted just thinking about it!
But ..... I better get on the move ....
I can't wait until 4 p.m. today when this is over and I can look back and recall how much fun it was :()
24 kids total, including mine.
Picking up an extra child from school for lunch beforehand, to help her parents with transportation.
Need to drive 30 minutes across town to get the cake I had to have ...
Then back to school to pick up my Kindergartener and the extra girl.
Then back home to serve lunch.
Then the 15 minute drive back to the party place.
I am exhausted just thinking about it!
But ..... I better get on the move ....
I can't wait until 4 p.m. today when this is over and I can look back and recall how much fun it was :()
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Learning Through Our Lives ...
I can't help it. I believe in kindness. I hate to see people get hurt when kindness could have made all the difference in a situation. I would like to think we would all desire to own our part in something ugly that happened and hurt others ... and make peace. And live in a big happy circle of love. Or move on kindly.
But that just isn't always the case in life. Some people just don't care to be kind and won't be.
And, I am sorry; but, I can't stand beside them.
"A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."
Dave Barry, "Things That It Took Me 50 Years to learn"
"Life is short, but there is always time for courtesy."
Ralph Waldo Emerson, Social Aims
Ralph Waldo Emerson, Social Aims
Monday, September 5, 2011
Fall Is Here and Growing Up
Fall blew in today with some drastically cooler weather. Cool weather is predicted for the next fifteen days. Warm, sunny pool days are winding down here, if not over for the season already. And my five-year-old begins full-days of Kindergarten this week. Even though her full days will be every other day, they will be three full days each week. Here is her Kindergarten schedule:
Monday, Wed., Friday -- 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.
Tuesday and Thurs. -- 8:30 a.m. to 11:45 a.m.
It was the best schedule this determined mom could get here in Indiana for a Kindergarten schedule. Half-day Kindergarten is dying here as an option for just about everyone. Even the schools that still offer if are pressuring the parents to pay for full-day Kindergarten. It is very sad to me. One mom of a half-day Kindergarten girl told me that her Kindergartener is in a mixed class with full-day Kindergarten kids and the teachers tell the whole class about the afternoon activities that are scheduled. Classy, huh?
I am just not convinced that our kids need to hit the ground running full-time as five-year-olds. Can't we give our little kids just one more year to be kids? This is the first year that Kindergarten joins the rigor of the Indiana State Academic standards. My daughter will be one of the first kids tested every single year (including this one) on the new standards. If she isn't reading up to standards by third grade, she will be held back, as will any kid not making that cut. Pressure. Pressure. And they are only five. It is simply wrong in my opinion. Kids need to be kids.
Kindergarten IS still optional here in Indiana, but given the above, is it really optional? Not really. Oh well. I am happy with our choices and glad we do have a choice still. I pray that Kindergarten will maintain this schedule next year as well because my youngest daughter will be entering Kindergarten next year. I want to stand up for my kids' childhoods and still do right by them when it comes time to be tested into oblivion.
Monday, Wed., Friday -- 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.
Tuesday and Thurs. -- 8:30 a.m. to 11:45 a.m.
It was the best schedule this determined mom could get here in Indiana for a Kindergarten schedule. Half-day Kindergarten is dying here as an option for just about everyone. Even the schools that still offer if are pressuring the parents to pay for full-day Kindergarten. It is very sad to me. One mom of a half-day Kindergarten girl told me that her Kindergartener is in a mixed class with full-day Kindergarten kids and the teachers tell the whole class about the afternoon activities that are scheduled. Classy, huh?
I am just not convinced that our kids need to hit the ground running full-time as five-year-olds. Can't we give our little kids just one more year to be kids? This is the first year that Kindergarten joins the rigor of the Indiana State Academic standards. My daughter will be one of the first kids tested every single year (including this one) on the new standards. If she isn't reading up to standards by third grade, she will be held back, as will any kid not making that cut. Pressure. Pressure. And they are only five. It is simply wrong in my opinion. Kids need to be kids.
Kindergarten IS still optional here in Indiana, but given the above, is it really optional? Not really. Oh well. I am happy with our choices and glad we do have a choice still. I pray that Kindergarten will maintain this schedule next year as well because my youngest daughter will be entering Kindergarten next year. I want to stand up for my kids' childhoods and still do right by them when it comes time to be tested into oblivion.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Advice and Criticism
This post comes from thoughts about a battle I recently had with an extended family member ...
I have been thinking lately about advice and criticism. For the most part, I want feedback from people. It is great to get different ideas and then make one's own decision. But, on some occasions, advice and criticism hits me less positively. So, I began to wonder ...
When we react most strongly to certain advice, is that a message in itself? Does it mean maybe the advice rings true? I had to think about that.
I have decided that strong feelings about advice or criticism can mean a number of things. It might mean we don't like something pointed out to us because it is unpleasant. It could mean we are hearing something powerful that we need to take action on. It could mean that the person giving this advice or criticism is being rude in the way they are giving it.
It could also mean that the person is just being a pain in the rear because they feel insistant that their advice is what it right for us when it isn't. Or, it could mean that we have certain needs that the advice is butting up against ... such as the need to be right, the need to be regarded well, etc.
I don't think strong reactions necessarily mean that the advice or criticism being dished out is true. But, I always do think that a strong reaction is worth exploring from a personal standpoint myself.
I think the most important thing about offering advice or constructive criticism is to remain respectful of the person you are bestowing this advice on. They are really the expert in their own lives.
So, what do you think about advice or criticism? Do you like to get the opinions of others? Do you find unsolicited advice offensive, or do you see it as an opportunity?
I have been thinking lately about advice and criticism. For the most part, I want feedback from people. It is great to get different ideas and then make one's own decision. But, on some occasions, advice and criticism hits me less positively. So, I began to wonder ...
When we react most strongly to certain advice, is that a message in itself? Does it mean maybe the advice rings true? I had to think about that.
I have decided that strong feelings about advice or criticism can mean a number of things. It might mean we don't like something pointed out to us because it is unpleasant. It could mean we are hearing something powerful that we need to take action on. It could mean that the person giving this advice or criticism is being rude in the way they are giving it.
It could also mean that the person is just being a pain in the rear because they feel insistant that their advice is what it right for us when it isn't. Or, it could mean that we have certain needs that the advice is butting up against ... such as the need to be right, the need to be regarded well, etc.
I don't think strong reactions necessarily mean that the advice or criticism being dished out is true. But, I always do think that a strong reaction is worth exploring from a personal standpoint myself.
I think the most important thing about offering advice or constructive criticism is to remain respectful of the person you are bestowing this advice on. They are really the expert in their own lives.
So, what do you think about advice or criticism? Do you like to get the opinions of others? Do you find unsolicited advice offensive, or do you see it as an opportunity?
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Parenting truths learned ...
One thing that is nice about having a large age gap between my first child and my younger two children is that I have gained a sense of perspective over the years. Of course, this helps me with my preschool age children and not so much with my newly-turned 13-year-old ;) But, I will take what parenting experience I have and be thankful for it.
Some things I have learned about preschoolers and younger children after parenting this age one time already, and also from knowing other parents who have walked the preschool path once before. These things may not be popular nuggets of information to share. Some parenting topics are just heated. Some things in life you just have to live through first in order to truly determine your own more concrete view on how that life stage or parenting situation is truly best handled (in your own life situation). Unfortunately, hindsight doesn't always help us as we navigate the initial path through parenthood.
But, for what it is worth, below is a short collection of "truths" that I have extracted from my own parenting experience. No, I am not a world expert on parenting. This is just my blog and this is just what I think based on my life experience. One thing about me is that I am a lover of anything that can be learned. I enjoy being challenged, stepping outside of my own ideas (no matter how concrete I think they are already), and looking at things in new ways. I don't know why; but it is just really very exciting to me to learn new things and new ways of looking at life. It just makes life interesting. It keeps me learning.
So, here are some of my ideas ... some might think they are wild and zany ideas and that is o.k. And yes, I wholeheartedly believe in them. I can't help it and I am sorry. I am who I am.
1.) Young boys should be held back from Kindergarten and go in as older boys.
2.) Most preschool programs are not developmentally appropriate and these programs are perpetuated by government ideas about educating kids in the older grades. Preschoolers learn best through enriched play. They do not need worksheets and drills or desk work, unless it is very minimal. Let's not stifle their creativity so young please. Unless you are using preschool for a mom's day out, get your child out of those types of preschool programs. They will have plenty of years to be schooled in structured settings that are less hands on.
3.) A clean house is not really important in the scheme of things. I don't mean we should live in filth, but things do clean up. Kids learn from some of the crazy things they do. That doesn't make them rotten or bad for doing them. If something is against the rules or really steps over a line for you as a parent, then don't allow it. But, be flexible for goodness' sake. You can spend your entire life sorting your socks when the kids' are grown.
4.) Sometimes when kids are tired, they can appear to have ADHD or to have terrible behavior problems. Some kids move faster when they are tired.
5.) Working closely with your child's school is important at any and every age. Be a partner and an advocate for your child's education.
6.) Teach them to do as many things for themselves as soon as possible ... and as soon as they are ready ... no matter how much more time that takes you as a parent of young kids. When they are older, life will be easier because you did.
7.) Kids don't have to be in every single sport, or club, or extracurricular activity. If they are interested and you can afford to foster that interest, then do so. But keep it fun and about learning until THEY want it to be about something bigger. Keep in mind that most adults don't have a place to play competitive team sports in this world after college. Being the best ball player is not the "be-all" and "end-all" for your child's success in this world.
8.) Let kids be who they are. Some kids don't like to do things that we as a society think all people should enjoy doing. Don't let them live in a bubble, but if they don't want to go to a school dance, then more power to them I say! Kudos to the kids who can make their own decisions and stay true to their own desires when their peers are sometimes going along with the crowd to ensure they are part of a "cool" group.
9.) If your child is being bullied at school, get up to the school and INSIST it be stopped. Use the term "bully." Insist on ZERO tolerance. Follow up daily until you are certain the situation is under control. Then, keep following up!
10.) I will end this list at ten items. So lastly, I will say ... do not be afraid to discipline your kids. We owe it to our kids to be their parents. This is not an easy role sometimes for a parent like me because it is ... indeed ... TRUE that doling out consequences is way more painful for ME than it is for my kids!
So, what do you agree with? What do you hate or disagree with from my above list? Please share your thoughts and your own parenting "truths" developed in the trenches!
Some things I have learned about preschoolers and younger children after parenting this age one time already, and also from knowing other parents who have walked the preschool path once before. These things may not be popular nuggets of information to share. Some parenting topics are just heated. Some things in life you just have to live through first in order to truly determine your own more concrete view on how that life stage or parenting situation is truly best handled (in your own life situation). Unfortunately, hindsight doesn't always help us as we navigate the initial path through parenthood.
But, for what it is worth, below is a short collection of "truths" that I have extracted from my own parenting experience. No, I am not a world expert on parenting. This is just my blog and this is just what I think based on my life experience. One thing about me is that I am a lover of anything that can be learned. I enjoy being challenged, stepping outside of my own ideas (no matter how concrete I think they are already), and looking at things in new ways. I don't know why; but it is just really very exciting to me to learn new things and new ways of looking at life. It just makes life interesting. It keeps me learning.
So, here are some of my ideas ... some might think they are wild and zany ideas and that is o.k. And yes, I wholeheartedly believe in them. I can't help it and I am sorry. I am who I am.
1.) Young boys should be held back from Kindergarten and go in as older boys.
2.) Most preschool programs are not developmentally appropriate and these programs are perpetuated by government ideas about educating kids in the older grades. Preschoolers learn best through enriched play. They do not need worksheets and drills or desk work, unless it is very minimal. Let's not stifle their creativity so young please. Unless you are using preschool for a mom's day out, get your child out of those types of preschool programs. They will have plenty of years to be schooled in structured settings that are less hands on.
3.) A clean house is not really important in the scheme of things. I don't mean we should live in filth, but things do clean up. Kids learn from some of the crazy things they do. That doesn't make them rotten or bad for doing them. If something is against the rules or really steps over a line for you as a parent, then don't allow it. But, be flexible for goodness' sake. You can spend your entire life sorting your socks when the kids' are grown.
4.) Sometimes when kids are tired, they can appear to have ADHD or to have terrible behavior problems. Some kids move faster when they are tired.
5.) Working closely with your child's school is important at any and every age. Be a partner and an advocate for your child's education.
6.) Teach them to do as many things for themselves as soon as possible ... and as soon as they are ready ... no matter how much more time that takes you as a parent of young kids. When they are older, life will be easier because you did.
7.) Kids don't have to be in every single sport, or club, or extracurricular activity. If they are interested and you can afford to foster that interest, then do so. But keep it fun and about learning until THEY want it to be about something bigger. Keep in mind that most adults don't have a place to play competitive team sports in this world after college. Being the best ball player is not the "be-all" and "end-all" for your child's success in this world.
8.) Let kids be who they are. Some kids don't like to do things that we as a society think all people should enjoy doing. Don't let them live in a bubble, but if they don't want to go to a school dance, then more power to them I say! Kudos to the kids who can make their own decisions and stay true to their own desires when their peers are sometimes going along with the crowd to ensure they are part of a "cool" group.
9.) If your child is being bullied at school, get up to the school and INSIST it be stopped. Use the term "bully." Insist on ZERO tolerance. Follow up daily until you are certain the situation is under control. Then, keep following up!
10.) I will end this list at ten items. So lastly, I will say ... do not be afraid to discipline your kids. We owe it to our kids to be their parents. This is not an easy role sometimes for a parent like me because it is ... indeed ... TRUE that doling out consequences is way more painful for ME than it is for my kids!
So, what do you agree with? What do you hate or disagree with from my above list? Please share your thoughts and your own parenting "truths" developed in the trenches!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
What a day can bring ....
It has been a day ... just wow!
Today was one of those days that I felt led/guided through the things that transpired.
I did not want to go to the "Preschool Closing" this morning. (This is where Co-op Moms help the teachers close up the school for the Summer. We haul toys and preschool furniture into two sheds and pack up things in the classroom, take things down from walls, etc.) There were many logical reasons why this was not the best thing for my calendar this morning. But, I was really drawn to this idea that I must go. I am so glad I went.
I am glad I went because I learned about a charter school option that was being talked about by two other moms there today. So this information came to me from a conversation I didn't even start nor want to really have. Dh and I had already decided where ds would be going to Jr. High School next year. I admit that I have had some thoughts about this that were hot thoughts based on things I kept hearing about the Jr. High and High School in our township, but I never knew we would be considering another viable option for ds today.
But I went home and surprised myself by googling that school mentioned this morning. I then made some phone calls. And then I researched the data of various nearby schools along with that one and a few others (just for comparison).
And I used mapquest to map out two school choices that could work pretty well with dh's work location. And bingo! I uncovered some very real choices for my ds next year!
On Saturday we will be going as a family to tour this one particular charter school that we feel stands out as a very real option for ds. I am so hopeful that this is an option we can get excited about; an option that will truly be right for my son.
Dh could take him to school most days. I could take him when dh couldn't. I would most likely need to do the picking up each school day. But if it was the right fit for ds, I would have no issue doing that.
Being a charter school, this school would be in our budget. And maybe being a charter school, it would not be as over-the-top for my son as some of the parish schools were for him academically .. perhaps this would be a place where he could be challenged and shine as well.
I know I want what every parent wants for their child. I know my child is not the most complex child in the world. But he has been a challenge to find the best fit for him educationally. He isn't paying attention to math now in his ruckus of a classroom. I feel doubtful that he will pay attention any harder when he becomes aware there is gang activity out in the hallways at our local public Jr. High. Ds needs something smaller and not over the top.
I know I have stars in my eyes, but I want this to be the place!
If it isn't, ds will go to the local public Jr. High as planned. Or maybe something else will present itself.
But, even if we had the money right now, I do not see a private school that fits ds's needs either.
Parenting is hard.
I would miss that bus that comes each day to make my life much easier. Yet, I hear horror stories about the Jr. High bus. Was I really going to let ds ride that bus every day anyway after sixth grade? I was hoping to do so, yes. But things get very ugly on the Jr. High bus. I have asked way too many people about this stuff with the public Jr. high ...
Nicholas' teacher says differently but various very good kids tell me the real stories that go on in these schools. I had just told dh last night that we should be prepared for a difficult journey ahead.
Is this an answer for us?
I don't know.
I only feel compelled to check it out some more and I feel excited about what I might find for my son.
And this also explains some stuck thoughts I have been having about the school situation for my girls (both for next year and in the future).
I realize it is only preschool ... but these are my favorite school years. The Co-op is a fun place and I enjoy sharing it with my little one(s). Am I willing to give up 10 free mornings per month in order to be able to never look back with regret that I missed Racers class with my youngest child? I think I am.
There will be so many days that I can go here and there and everywhere and be free someday ... but right now, I get to decide so much and I just might truly want to haul my butt to that preschool five days per week so that I will never regret not doing so when I can never again turn back that clock to these precious years with all three of my children.
Today was one of those days that I felt led/guided through the things that transpired.
I did not want to go to the "Preschool Closing" this morning. (This is where Co-op Moms help the teachers close up the school for the Summer. We haul toys and preschool furniture into two sheds and pack up things in the classroom, take things down from walls, etc.) There were many logical reasons why this was not the best thing for my calendar this morning. But, I was really drawn to this idea that I must go. I am so glad I went.
I am glad I went because I learned about a charter school option that was being talked about by two other moms there today. So this information came to me from a conversation I didn't even start nor want to really have. Dh and I had already decided where ds would be going to Jr. High School next year. I admit that I have had some thoughts about this that were hot thoughts based on things I kept hearing about the Jr. High and High School in our township, but I never knew we would be considering another viable option for ds today.
But I went home and surprised myself by googling that school mentioned this morning. I then made some phone calls. And then I researched the data of various nearby schools along with that one and a few others (just for comparison).
And I used mapquest to map out two school choices that could work pretty well with dh's work location. And bingo! I uncovered some very real choices for my ds next year!
On Saturday we will be going as a family to tour this one particular charter school that we feel stands out as a very real option for ds. I am so hopeful that this is an option we can get excited about; an option that will truly be right for my son.
Dh could take him to school most days. I could take him when dh couldn't. I would most likely need to do the picking up each school day. But if it was the right fit for ds, I would have no issue doing that.
Being a charter school, this school would be in our budget. And maybe being a charter school, it would not be as over-the-top for my son as some of the parish schools were for him academically .. perhaps this would be a place where he could be challenged and shine as well.
I know I want what every parent wants for their child. I know my child is not the most complex child in the world. But he has been a challenge to find the best fit for him educationally. He isn't paying attention to math now in his ruckus of a classroom. I feel doubtful that he will pay attention any harder when he becomes aware there is gang activity out in the hallways at our local public Jr. High. Ds needs something smaller and not over the top.
I know I have stars in my eyes, but I want this to be the place!
If it isn't, ds will go to the local public Jr. High as planned. Or maybe something else will present itself.
But, even if we had the money right now, I do not see a private school that fits ds's needs either.
Parenting is hard.
I would miss that bus that comes each day to make my life much easier. Yet, I hear horror stories about the Jr. High bus. Was I really going to let ds ride that bus every day anyway after sixth grade? I was hoping to do so, yes. But things get very ugly on the Jr. High bus. I have asked way too many people about this stuff with the public Jr. high ...
Nicholas' teacher says differently but various very good kids tell me the real stories that go on in these schools. I had just told dh last night that we should be prepared for a difficult journey ahead.
Is this an answer for us?
I don't know.
I only feel compelled to check it out some more and I feel excited about what I might find for my son.
And this also explains some stuck thoughts I have been having about the school situation for my girls (both for next year and in the future).
I realize it is only preschool ... but these are my favorite school years. The Co-op is a fun place and I enjoy sharing it with my little one(s). Am I willing to give up 10 free mornings per month in order to be able to never look back with regret that I missed Racers class with my youngest child? I think I am.
There will be so many days that I can go here and there and everywhere and be free someday ... but right now, I get to decide so much and I just might truly want to haul my butt to that preschool five days per week so that I will never regret not doing so when I can never again turn back that clock to these precious years with all three of my children.
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