The only thing certain is change and the winds of change are blowing strongly here this May. I have finally, fully, accepted that I cannot be a Lutheran, or a craftsperson, or a decorator, or a mom who hosts church teas. I wish I could be all of these things, but we each have to find our own place in the world. God designed each of us for a unique purpose and we are meant to move toward our calling. Lutheran craftspeople who decorate and host church teas are noble people who have taught me so much. And now it is time to move on ...
Today is my youngest child's last day of Pre-K. I am so sentimental. My Pre-K sweetie will miss her school, teachers and classmates so much. Her experience in this particular preschool was so perfect for her and she loves school so much. It is hard for me to think of her growing up and heading off to full-day Kindergarten, but I know she will be in a wonderful Kindergarten next year. I feel God has led us to our decisions about next year and I know we have made the right decisions for our children.
My sweet current Kindergartener is amazing to watch. She is the most independent of all three of my kids and has mastered a lot of academic stuff all on her own (with the help of her K teacher of course) this year. This fiesty, fiercely independent child of mine can do a lot that I don't know since she refuses to practice or go over learned concepts at home. But whenever I pin her down, it turns out that she has already mastered such concepts; and, rightfully she already knew that about herself :)
And then there is my 8th grader. He has had an interesting ride through the years. I am proud of his progress and feel that he is in a great place in his life to be starting high school. He is ready and I am not really too sentimental about this. It is time for him to create his future and nobody else can do that for him. I am prepared to push his rear up a hill though academically. I pray I won't need to. He can be a tough little cookie ...
So there are 2 1/2 weeks until my older two are out of school for the Summer. I admit that I can hardly wait. It feels like months still to go. Really. I am so over the driving, the church expectations for our family and the early mornings. When it is time to move on, you just finally know. And that feels good :)
Monday, May 14, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
A hard thing to admit ...
My two older kids go to a private Christian School. I made no pretense with the school principal prior to my oldest son enrolling there two years ago -- we would need to become members of the church to afford the tuition there. Also, I had told her we were looking for a new church. All true.
Our experiences in the last two years at this church and school have been life changing. Lots of experiences are life changing, but these two years go into the records for our family. Most of the changes have been related to the positive impact this environment has had on our oldest child.
But, we have all grown spiritually as a result of our committment to this church/school over the last two years. The people at this church/school are some of the nicest I have met anywhere. The environment is small, yet large enough to offer a variety of activities and people to interact with.
And once again, like always, I feel the need to bolt from this type of environment ... which makes me sad. It isn't something I can really control. A huge part of this is budget related, although the school has indicated that financial help is a very real possibility. But, mainly, I can't be who I am not. I am not an organized religion person, by nature nor in my heart. My relationship with God has always been personal. It doesn't fit into a Catholic box or a Lutheran box, sadly ....
I want to fit in these boxes! There are so many positives. I want to be on those bandwagons! But, it isn't me :( I am an eclectic. I feel that in all of these religions ... it is really all about God. Same God. I don't care what religion I need to subscribe too. It isn't about the religion. It is just about God. Multiple paths to learn about him .... And I don't believe little kids need to be in the church each week when they aren't getting a thing out of it and their presence there stresses me to the core. So, I also get nothing out of it. I believe in Sunday School for kids while the parents are in church. I believe in comfortable clothing in church and Sunday School. I do not believe my attendance at church or Sunday School needs to be monitored each week. I am a big girl and God is the only true judge.
Anyway, in recent weeks, I feel like I have been having an affair on our church. We have found a church/Sunday School that fits me and the girls so much better in many ways. But I want the school too and this other church does not have a school component after preschool. But I can't do it anymore. It isn't who I am. But, I am an eclectic ... And, therefore, I want to be a part of both churches ... but not beholden to either ... Is this so terrible?
Our experiences in the last two years at this church and school have been life changing. Lots of experiences are life changing, but these two years go into the records for our family. Most of the changes have been related to the positive impact this environment has had on our oldest child.
But, we have all grown spiritually as a result of our committment to this church/school over the last two years. The people at this church/school are some of the nicest I have met anywhere. The environment is small, yet large enough to offer a variety of activities and people to interact with.
And once again, like always, I feel the need to bolt from this type of environment ... which makes me sad. It isn't something I can really control. A huge part of this is budget related, although the school has indicated that financial help is a very real possibility. But, mainly, I can't be who I am not. I am not an organized religion person, by nature nor in my heart. My relationship with God has always been personal. It doesn't fit into a Catholic box or a Lutheran box, sadly ....
I want to fit in these boxes! There are so many positives. I want to be on those bandwagons! But, it isn't me :( I am an eclectic. I feel that in all of these religions ... it is really all about God. Same God. I don't care what religion I need to subscribe too. It isn't about the religion. It is just about God. Multiple paths to learn about him .... And I don't believe little kids need to be in the church each week when they aren't getting a thing out of it and their presence there stresses me to the core. So, I also get nothing out of it. I believe in Sunday School for kids while the parents are in church. I believe in comfortable clothing in church and Sunday School. I do not believe my attendance at church or Sunday School needs to be monitored each week. I am a big girl and God is the only true judge.
Anyway, in recent weeks, I feel like I have been having an affair on our church. We have found a church/Sunday School that fits me and the girls so much better in many ways. But I want the school too and this other church does not have a school component after preschool. But I can't do it anymore. It isn't who I am. But, I am an eclectic ... And, therefore, I want to be a part of both churches ... but not beholden to either ... Is this so terrible?
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Drop in post ...
I don't get by here very often to post and I really need to. Writing down my thoughts helps me to make sense of them. I am in a bit of a hurry right now, but I am just going to take a moment to post a few things top in my mind lately ...
I am very troubled by the government's preoccupation with standardized testing. I want to move the girls to public school next year for a variety of reasons. But, they assess the kids every two weeks there! Seriously. How can that be good for kids? How redundant? What a complete waste of time ...
The private schools we have been apart of take all this testing very seriously (too seriously in my opinion) as well. But they only assess every 11 weeks. That is reasonable, but also more often than necessary.
The world is made up of many people who somehow get into positions of control and not because they are smart, honorable or impactful. When I was young I thought I could fight for what is right ... and win. It didn't happen, although now ... years later ... smoking bans are in place here and I wasn't the ring leader in that fight at all. My little fliers I papered my neighborhood with back in the day (as a fifth grader) told the facts and emphasized solutions related to public smoking back then. But nothing changed by my doings and I became very discouraged with any impact I could truly make in the world. The way I cope now is just do my best to fight for what is right in my own little world, with my own little family.
I want to circumvent this junk going on in education right now. I am certain these crazed folks will come to their senses in a few years and I don't want my kids damaged by their wrongful ideas and ridiculous legislation.
It is hard to see the "right" thing to do here for my kids. I wish the answer was very clear. I really don't want to keep them at the private school either. For each path, there is a price to pay. I still feel like my little girls are young enough to not be subject to all this nonsense. I want them to love education as much as they did in the preschool years. I feel helpless to save my kids from what I see is massive wrongness. It makes me very sad :(
I am very troubled by the government's preoccupation with standardized testing. I want to move the girls to public school next year for a variety of reasons. But, they assess the kids every two weeks there! Seriously. How can that be good for kids? How redundant? What a complete waste of time ...
The private schools we have been apart of take all this testing very seriously (too seriously in my opinion) as well. But they only assess every 11 weeks. That is reasonable, but also more often than necessary.
The world is made up of many people who somehow get into positions of control and not because they are smart, honorable or impactful. When I was young I thought I could fight for what is right ... and win. It didn't happen, although now ... years later ... smoking bans are in place here and I wasn't the ring leader in that fight at all. My little fliers I papered my neighborhood with back in the day (as a fifth grader) told the facts and emphasized solutions related to public smoking back then. But nothing changed by my doings and I became very discouraged with any impact I could truly make in the world. The way I cope now is just do my best to fight for what is right in my own little world, with my own little family.
I want to circumvent this junk going on in education right now. I am certain these crazed folks will come to their senses in a few years and I don't want my kids damaged by their wrongful ideas and ridiculous legislation.
It is hard to see the "right" thing to do here for my kids. I wish the answer was very clear. I really don't want to keep them at the private school either. For each path, there is a price to pay. I still feel like my little girls are young enough to not be subject to all this nonsense. I want them to love education as much as they did in the preschool years. I feel helpless to save my kids from what I see is massive wrongness. It makes me very sad :(
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